written by: Amy Sherman-Palladino
directed by: Amy Sherman-Palladino
transcript by Patti Jo with assistance by Canopus
OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE - VERY EARLY IN THE MORNING
[Lorelai shuffles sleepily into kitchen where Rory is busily working]
RORY: Oh, hi! Great! I'm still on my finals sleep schedule, and, man, am I wired. What time is it? Like, 3:00 in the morning? I cannot tell anymore. Want some mac and cheese? I love mac and cheese when I can't sleep. [She checks the refrigerator while Lorelai rubs her eyes.] Cool. Individual cheese slices. So, I've been making out my résumé so I can try to get a summer job, because there is no way that I am going to swipe cafeteria cards again next year. [Buzzer sounds in background.] My whites are done. [Rory moves to the laundry room while Lorelai rests head on the kitchen table.] Do you know that the best time to do your laundry at Yale is in the middle of the night? You have your pick of washers, the place has just been swept, and the trash is completely empty. So, what do you think? [Rory brings another clothes basket to laundry room] The Stars Hollow Gazette needs a facts checker, but Rob's Tire is offering way more money. I know that now is the time to suffer for my art, but I was so brok
LORELAI: Great to have you home, hon. [She shuffles off to bed as Rory rattles the doorknob.]
CUT TO THE DRAGONFLY INN LOBBY
MICHEL: Okay, I think I've got all the rooms assigned for the test run.
LORELAI: Hit me.
MICHEL: Miss Patty is in room one, Babette is in two. I put Taylor in three, the corner room. The Siegels will go in five, you and Rory are in six -
LORELAI: W-wait, what happened to four?
MICHEL: Four is taken.
LORELAI: By whom?
MICHEL: By friends of mine. Sookie and Jackson are in -
LORELAI: Which friends of yours?
MICHEL: You said I could invite friends of mine, did you not?
LORELAI: I did.
MICHEL: Okay, so I did that. I invited two of my friends, and I put them in room four, and now room four is taken with my friends as you suggested, okay?
LORELAI: Paw-paw and Chin Chin cannot come to the test run.
MICHEL: Why not?
LORELAI: Because they are dogs, Michel.
MICHEL: They cannot stay home by themselves. They get lonely and they eat expensive Italian things.
LORELAI: Then get yourself a Chow sitter, because room four is for human beings only.
TOM: Terrific, they're on their way up. [Lorelai approaches with Michel following]
LORELAI: Oh, hey, Tom, I'm putting Post-its where we need paint touch-ups.
TOM: Got it.
LORELAI: And, you know, we got that test run Saturday. I was really hoping to have some doors by then.
TOM: I told you, the doors are coming.
LORELAI: You told me that two weeks ago.
TOM: And I'm sure I meant it.
TOM: I'm calling right now.
MICHEL: I don't understand why you get to bring Rory, and I don't get to bring my Chows.
LORELAI: Because I'm mad with power.
MICHEL: They are cleaner than she is. They are quieter than she is.
LORELAI: Stop comparing your dogs to my kid.
MICHEL: As much as you love Rory, that is how much I love Paw-paw and Chin Chin.
LORELAI: I gave birth to her! I carried her inside me, and nine months and twenty-six hours later, she came out!
MICHEL: If I could have given birth to them myself, I would have, but I didn't have that choice! [They both approach Kirk loading wood into the fireplace.]
LORELAI: I think that's enough wood there, Kirk.
KIRK: I put wood in all the guest rooms and the living room, so all I have to do is store the rest of the cord you bought.
LORELAI: Okay, Michel will take you outside and show you where it goes.
KIRK: Outside? Do you really want to expose your wood to the elements?
LORELAI: We'll get a tarp. Michel?
MICHEL: Any dogs, Kirk?
KIRK: Dogs urinate on wood. I hate dogs.
[They both leave. Lorelai turns to Lulu, who is seated nearby.]
LORELAI: Going with Kirk on his rounds again, Lulu?
LULU: Uh-huh. I just love it when he looks like the Brawny paper towel guy.
LORELAI: It is a good outfit.
LULU: The place looks absolutely wonderful, Lorelai. When does it open?
LORELAI: Two weeks, but we're having a test run on Saturday -- just a bunch of friends who will hopefully still be our friends on Monday.
LULU: Sounds wonderful.
LORELAI: Hey, You and Kirk should come.
LORELAI: Sure. I'll give you Paw-paw and Chin Chin's room. We'd love to have you.
LULU: Wow, we would love to come. And I know Kirk would feel better being able to check up on the wood.
LORELAI: Kirk's lucky to have found you, Lulu. [Lulu giggles.]
CUT TO DRAGONFLY KITCHEN
[Sookie bustles around the busy kitchen inspecting the workers.]
SOOKIE: Oh, pretty garnish! That's some good mincing there. Just enough walnut. Is that fish done? It should be done. Perfect.
LORELAI: Ooh, man, it smells great in here.
SOOKIE: This is the best kitchen staff I've ever had, ever! I don't know how we got them, but they're amazing! I got to show you this mincing. Seriously
LORELAI: No, no, no, no. I believe you. They seem terrific. But, um, Sookie, so there are seven workers in here, and we're only budgeted for five.
SOOKIE: I know.
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] That's a problem.
SOOKIE: Yes. See, I hired seven, figuring that at least two would crap out, and then we'd have five.
SOOKIE: And none did.
LORELAI: So what do we do?
SOOKIE: I don't know.
LORELAI: Well, maybe the test run will break a couple of them, but if no one quits, honey, you got to fire two of them.
[Michel enters kitchen]
MICHEL: [Sighs] There are all sorts of chromosomes missing from that man.
LORELAI: Put Kirk and Lulu in room four.
MICHEL: You cut me.
LORELAI: Okay, so is that it for the rooms?
MICHEL: Basically, yes. You and Rory in six, Luke in seven.
MICHEL: Yes, Luke
LORELAI: Oh! So is he coming? Luke's coming?
MICHEL: Is he not supposed to?
LORELAI: No, no, of course he was. I mean, he was invited quite a while ago...before anything happened. [Michel stares dumbfounded] I mean, I didn't know he was coming, that's all. Okay, so good. Luke's in room seven. Lucky number seven. Not that it's lucky for Luke, 'cause I don't know what's lucky for Luke, okay?
SOOKIE: Look at how he chopped these onions. I just want to shove a string through them and wear them around my neck!
MICHEL: That wouldn't be at all eccentric.
LORELAI: Oh! Oh, honey, come here. [Lorelai embraces Sookie.]
SOOKIE: What? [Lorelai chuckles.] What is that for?
LORELAI: In all the craziness, I completely forgot that today is your wedding anniversary.
SOOKIE: Oh, my god! [dashes off]
CUT TO RORY'S BEDROOM
[Rory wakes from sleep with a Post-It stuck to her forehead. "Lunch at Luke's" is written on it. She sits up to find her bed filled with clean, folded laundry covering it.]
CUT TO LANE'S APARTMENT
[Lane and Rory are playing video games]
RORY: Where'd he go?
LANE: I don't know.
RORY: What do I do?
LANE: I don't know!
RORY: Did I lose?
LANE: Well, you have no head, so probably.
RORY: So this is what teenage boys are doing instead of watching television?
RORY: Seems like a lateral move.
LANE: Hey, you hungry?
RORY: I'm starving.
LANE: Well, your timing is perfect, 'cause I went to the store yesterday.
[Lane starts pulling up floorboards.]
RORY: Are you kidding me? You just got away from the floorboard life.
LANE: Boys will eat everything. I bought vanilla-almond body lotion the other day.
LANE: On chips -- mine, by the way.
RORY: So, Jess came by to see me.
LANE: You've been here 20 minutes, and you drop this now?
RORY: He just showed up at my dorm on Saturday night.
LANE: Why? What did he say?
RORY: Well -
LANE: Wait! [pulls out chip and poises to listen] [ Sighs ] Go.
RORY: I got home from this awful setup.
LANE: The guy your grandmother brought by?
RORY: That's the one.
LANE: He was that bad?
RORY: James Spader in "Pretty in Pink."
LANE: You could have just stopped at "James Spader."
RORY: Anyway, I left the pub, got back to my dorm, and Jess was there.
LANE: What did he want?
RORY: He wanted me to come away with him.
LANE: Oh, my God! What did you say?
RORY: I said -- I don't know. It was so weird. He was just... Jess. I mean, he shows up out of no where with this crazy proposal. It was awful.
LANE: It doesn't sound awful.
RORY: What are you talking about? Jess bailed on me twice.
LANE: I know, but how incredibly romantic to have this guy show up out of the blue and want to take you away with him.
RORY: When I first met Jess, I thought, "What could be better than this? He's smart, good taste in books and music, so cute." But Jess is great one minute and then the next - you know, as far as I know, I could have said yes, packed my bag, and by the time I got to the car, he would have changed his mind.
LANE: It's part of why he's cute. He's unpredictable.
RORY: I guess. You know, when I was with Dean, I always knew that no matter what happened, he would be there.
LANE: Dean was very dependable.
RORY: It was more than that. He's -- well, he was so... um, I was safe, and he was so nice to me.
LANE: He really loved you.
RORY: I think I really blew it there, you know? I didn't appreciate it.
LANE: Every girl has to fall for a bad boy. It's the rule. It's the reason so many accountants eventually get married.
CUT STARS HOLLOW STREET
TROUBADOUR: [singing] Hey, she's a piratey soul, full of vinegar and glitter, she is a song of her own, from down the wrong end of the river, wild like the lily-a-passion, have you ever had the honors - oh, no, no, no, no, no way
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Lorelai is sitting at table watching Luke intently. Rory enters.]
RORY: I can't believe you didn't wake me up.
LORELAI: Me and what army?
RORY: I only have so much time off. I don't want to waste it all sleeping till noon.
LORELAI: There was no waking you up. You were completely out of it. We're talking Farrah on "Letterman." Hey.
LORELAI: Luke is coming over here. I want you to pay very close attention.
RORY: To what?
LORELAI: Oh, sure, coffee would be great. Coffee, hon? Yeah, she'll have coffee.
LUKE: Okay. You want a minute?
LORELAI: Yes, a minute would be great.
LORELAI: You notice anything?
LORELAI: Anything weird, anything different?
RORY: About Luke?
LORELAI: Of course about Luke. Did you notice anything different?
RORY: Like what?
LORELAI: Like a vibe, an attitude. Did he look at me differently?
RORY: Differently than what?
LORELAI: Differently than he did.
RORY: Differently than he did when?
RORY: Before what?
LORELAI: Before before. Rory!
RORY: How on earth can you be frustrated with me right now?
LORELAI: Fine. Come here.
[Lorelai hurriedly pushes Rory out the diner door.]
RORY: What's your damage, Heather?
LORELAI: I think I'm dating Luke.
LORELAI: I'm not sure. It's just a possibility. I could be wrong.
RORY: But how? When?
LORELAI: I went with him to his sister's wedding, and it was really nice. We had a really good time. We laughed a lot, and we ate, and then we danced.
RORY: Danced? How?
LORELAI: We pop-locked.
RORY: Was it a fast dance, slow dance, group dance?
LORELAI: It was a slow dance. What is "group dance?"
RORY: The hustle, the hora.
LORELAI: No hustle, no hora. It was a slow dance -- a waltz. Luke can waltz.
RORY: Luke can waltz?!
LORELAI: Luke can waltz.
RORY: Look how you just said, "Luke can waltz."
LORELAI: What, I'm just saying, I'm surprised that Luke can waltz.
RORY: That sounded more like, "I'm surprised I still have my clothes on."
LORELAI: Oh, stop.
RORY: What else happened?
LORELAI: Nothing. We spent the evening together. We danced, he walked me home, then he asked me to a movie. All of these things individually do not add up to dating, but together, I don't know. And there was this moment, when he walked me home, where I thought -- I don't know.
RORY: Did you say yes?
RORY: To the movie. Did you say yes?
RORY: That sounds like dating to me.
LORELAI: But maybe he didn't mean it as a date thing. Maybe he just needed to get out of the house, and since I'm currently one of the women sitting home, thinking, "If I could only find a man like Aragorn," he picked me.
RORY: Okay, whoa, this is Luke.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: Our Luke -- the town Luke. We see him every day. He's a part of our lives.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: I mean, everyone will know. They'll know if you're together, they'll know if you're not together.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: You can't just date Luke. When you're with Luke, you are with Luke. And if it doesn't work out, it will be really bad for both of us. I mean, how do you feel about this? Do you want to be dating Luke?
LORELAI: Okay, we're getting ahead of ourselves here. I don't even know if this is what he's thinking. This could be a totally innocent situation, and then we've done all this what-iffing for nothing. Let's just go back in there and see if anything's weird, okay?
LORELAI: Okay. [they re-enter diner]
LUKE: Is everything okay?
LORELAI: Yes. [nonchalantly leans against their table and tumbles entire contents making lots of noise]
LUKE: [unphased] I'll get the broom.
RORY: That was a little weird.
[Rory gazes out diner window and sees Dean across street walking on sidewalk. Their eyes meet. Rory smiles and waves. Dean frowns, changes direction and walks off. Rory's smile fades]
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE DINING ROOM TABLE
LORELAI: Two radish roses for a carrot curl?
EMILY: You're trading garnish?
LORELAI: Yes, but only 'cause the dinner's gross.
EMILY: Very nice.
LORELAI: I don't like rabbit.
EMILY: How convenient. You're not eating rabbit.
LORELAI: But this is rabbit sauce.
RICHARD: It is rabbit sauce.
EMILY: It is not rabbit sauce. Do not tell her that it's rabbit sauce.
RICHARD: It tastes like rabbit sauce to me.
EMILY: That just goes to show how much attention you give to meals that are prepared for you.
LORELAI: If it isn't rabbit, then what is it?
EMILY: It's duck.
LORELAI: Oh, well, where's that carrot curl?
RORY: I haven't seen a radish rose.
EMILY: Never mind. Don't eat it. Sriva, come get the plates. We're done.
RICHARD: Not everyone is done.
EMILY: Just bring out the dessert, please. So, Rory, I was thinking maybe we should go away this summer, just you and me. You should do Europe right at least once in your life, and this seems like the perfect time.
RORY: Oh, well, Grandma, I don't really know what I'm doing this summer yet, but that sounds really nice.
LORELAI: And really out of the blue.
RICHARD: I agree.
LORELAI: Were you going mention this to me?
EMILY: I just did.
LORELAI: No, before you opened the peanuts.
EMILY: Plans aren't made, Lorelai. It was just an idea. If Rory doesn't want to go, then Rory doesn't have to go.
RORY: Rory didn't say she didn't want to go.
LORELAI: That's right, Rory's mother was just marveling at the "hey, look over here" approach to the invitation. [She notices Richard frowning and looking impatient.] You okay, dad?
RICHARD: I'm fine. When is dessert? I have work to do.
EMILY: It's coming as quickly as the woman can spoon fruit over ice cream.
RICHARD: Well, clearly, she has carpal tunnel or some other modern disease which is slowing her down.
EMILY: If she's going too slow for you, why don't you just go into the kitchen and give her a hand?
LORELAI: I forgot to mention, we're doing a test run at the inn this weekend.
LORELAI: Yeah, We're inviting all our friends to spend the weekend, just to make sure we're ready to open.
RICHARD: Well, that sounds sensible.
LORELAI: Hey, you know what would be great? If the two of you came.
LORELAI: For the weekend.
LORELAI: I mean, I've been working toward this goal for, my God, what is it, Rory, now, twenty years?
RORY: Twenty years.
LORELAI: Twenty years, wow. So basically, this is the biggest thing that's ever happened to me in my life, except for Rory being born, and I'm sure my parents wouldn't want to miss it. I mean, unless there's some specific reason why you guys can't come, both of you together. No? Okay, good, so you'll be there. Fantastic. Isn't that great, Rory? Grandma and Grandpa are coming to the test run together.
RICHARD: Lorelai -
LORELAI: Dad, seriously, you have no idea how much this means to me.
EMILY: We wouldn't miss it for the world.
CUT TO EXTERIOR OF ELDER GILMORE FRONT ENTRANCE
[Lorelai and Rory exit and move towards their vehicle.]
RORY: So, inviting them to stay in the inn is going to do what?
LORELAI: I'm not inviting them to stay in the inn. I'm inviting them to stay in the bungalow 150 feet away from the inn.
LORELAI: I'm going to lock those two in a room, and they are either coming out reconciled or in a body bag. Believe you me, I'm fine either way.
RORY: Well, look who died and made you Hayley Mills.
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Kirk rushes in, passes Luke to the back of diner.]
LUKE: Hey Kirk, just sit -
KIRK: We need to talk.
LUKE: Where are you going? Hey! [follows Kirk to back and into Luke's apartment] Get out of my apartment.
KIRK: This place is small. I always pictured you in a bigger place.
LUKE: Do me a favor and don't picture me in any place, okay, Kirk?
KIRK: You have nice windows, though. I don't have windows. My room at my mom's house used to be a bomb shelter. It's very cold but great for racquetball.
LUKE: Kirk, what do you want?
KIRK: I need to talk to you. You're the only one I can confide in.
LUKE: Oh, goody.
KIRK: Lorelai invited Lulu and me to the test run of the inn.
KIRK: Lulu is very excited about the invitation. It's all she talks about -- a romantic weekend at the inn with me. [absently shuffles through Luke's mail - Luke slaps them from his hands and sets the letters aside] Anyhow, I'm a little concerned about this invitation, because Lulu and I have never spent the night together.
LUKE: Oh well, this is not a comfortable area for me.
KIRK: I mean, we've had sex -- lots and lots of sex.
LUKE: And this is even more uncomfortable.
KIRK: We just haven't actually spent the night together.
LUKE: Why not?
KIRK: I have night terrors.
LUKE: Night terrors?
KIRK: Basically, I freak out at beddy-bye. About an hour after I fall asleep, I wake up in panic. Everything around me seems threatening, scary, out to get me. Two nights ago, I was suddenly gripped with the overwhelming feeling that there was an assassin in my house.
KIRK: I had to get out of the room before he got me, so I jumped out of bed and locked my pillow in the bathroom.
KIRK: Because it was a bomb.
LUKE: Of course.
KIRK: After neutralizing my pillow, I ran up the stairs, climbed out the bathroom window, scaled the trellis up the side of the house, and hid on the roof
KIRK: Completely naked.
LUKE: Aw, jeez!!
KIRK: The worst part of night terrors is it always ends up with me on top of the roof completely naked or running down the street completely naked or swimming in the community-center pool completely naked. That was the time I thought I was on fire.
LUKE: Kirk, that's terrible.
KIRK: Well, I'm used to it now, so it's kind of second nature to me, but Lulu -
LUKE: Right, Lulu.
KIRK: How is she going to take it? I mean, I could scare her or ninja-kick her and lock her up with a pillow. I think I love her, Luke, and I haven't even told her that I love her. I spelled it out in chocolate-covered Oreos once, but she was really hungry, and I'm not sure if she read it first. I can't assault her before I tell her I love her.
LUKE: What do you want me to do about it?
KIRK: I called the Dragonfly and had them put me and Lulu in the room right next to yours. That way, if you hear anything -- screaming or Russian -- you can come in and pull me off of Lulu.
KIRK: Unless, when you come in, it looks like you shouldn't pull me off of Lulu.
KIRK: You can use your judgment on that one.
LUKE: Kirk, I-I don't know about this.
KIRK: Please! This weekend means so much to her. I can't tell her we're not going.
LUKE: [ long suffering sigh ] Fine.
KIRK: Thank you, Luke, thank you. Remember, anything weird, just jump on in.
LUKE: I got it, Kirk. [walks Kirk to door]
KIRK: Just don't touch my bottom, or I'll think you have a machete.
LUKE: If you want this to happen, do not use the word "bottom" with me again, Kirk.
KIRK: Right. See you later. Hey, Luke?
LUKE: What, Kirk?
KIRK: What kind of clothes are you bringing?
CUT TO DRAGONFLY INN FRONT DESK
SOOKIE: My kitchen staff's great -- all seven of them!
RORY: Hang in there, Sookie.
SOOKIE: If only one would suck, maybe it would rub off on the rest.
RORY: Plenty of sucking potential still out there, have some faith.
LORELAI: [talking on walkie-talkie] Tom, where are my doors? They were supposed to be here by now.
TOM: [voice on walkie-talkie] Yeah, I know. They took a wrong turn and headed to Woodbridge.
TOM: Relax, I'm trying to track them down.
LORELAI: Um, Tom, guests are showing up here any second. They have no doors. People will have to get very friendly very quickly.
TOM: I got the guy on the phone. I'll get right back to you.
LORELAI: Tom? Tom? [Chuckles to Rory] Hey, I've changed my mind. I want to be a ballerina.
RORY: Good timing.
SOOKIE: Okay. So, we don't have doors, and every single person I hired is fantastic. We're doomed.
MICHEL: [voice on walkie-talkie] The guests are arriving. I repeat, the guests are arriving.
LORELAI: No, Michel, we still don't have doors. Is there anything you can do to stall them?
MICHEL: No. I'm bringing them up now.
SOOKIE: Boy, if he was on my kitchen staff, we'd be home free by now.
TOM: [voice on walkie-talkie] I got 'em.
LORELAI: Doors? You got the doors?
TOM: They're on their way up. My guys will be standing by to get them on.
LORELAI: Tom, I'm loving you like a two dollar whore.
TOM: Terrific. I'll tell the wife.
LORELAI: Okay. Everybody, the doors are on the way, guests are coming. Everybody outside to greet them. It's showtime. Let's go! Okay, everyone, remember, these people are not our friends. They are customers. Just relax, don't rush, and don't kill anybody.
SOOKIE: Here they come! [three open trolleys arrive with guests]
MISS PATTY: Oh, look at that!
LORELAI: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Dragonfly Inn.
MISS PATTY: Oh, will you look at this place!
BABETTE: It's a paradise. Oh, Lorelai, the babies that are going to be conceived on this property!
MISS PATTY: Oh, are those horses! Babette, look at the horses.
LORELAI: That's Cletus and Desdemona, and if anyone would like to go for a ride, Michel can set it up for you. [Taylor approaches]
TAYLOR: The ride up here was very dusty, Lorelai. You should warn people not to wear their white pants upon arrival.
LORELAI: I will do that, Taylor.
TAYLOR: So, do I bring my own bags in or
LORELAI: No, you don't. Eric, Jeremy, Sam, these bags, please.
TAYLOR: The blue one has breakables.
[Tom walks up]
TOM: Okay, they're unloading them in the back. I already sent Dean in to start putting them up.
LORELAI: Great. Thank you, Tom.
RORY: I'll be right back.
LORELAI: [calls to Rory as she runs off] Make sure the keys are ready. [as Kirk and Lulu approach] Well, hey there, you two! Good to see you!
LULU: I am so excited to be here. Thank you so much for the invitation.
LORELAI: You're welcome. Have a good time.
LULU: Oh, horses. [wanders off to look closer]
KIRK: Is Luke here yet?
LORELAI: No, he's not, Kirk.
KIRK: But he's coming, right? He'll be here before I go to sleep?
LORELAI: I have no idea, Kirk. Why?
KIRK: It's a guy thing.
CUT TO INTERIOR OF DRAGONFLY ENTRYWAY
[Rory starts to climb stairs and sees Dean in the side hall carrying a door.]
DEAN: [Breathing heavily - sets down door] Hey. [shifts uncomfortably] I have to get this upstairs.
RORY: Can't we talk?
DEAN: What about?
RORY: He didn't stay.
DEAN: Yeah. I don't care.
RORY: I told him to go. He went. He's gone.
DEAN: Well, great.
RORY: Why are you so mad?
DEAN: I'm not mad. I'm working.
RORY: I left you three messages. You didn't answer any of them. You blew me off at Luke's today. You won't look me in the eye.
DEAN: [ Sighs ] I have to go.
RORY: I told him to leave.
DEAN: You told me to leave, also.
RORY: I told you to leave so I could tell him to leave.
DEAN: That makes sense.
RORY: It does make sense, Dean. I didn't ask him to come. I did ask you to come, remember?
DEAN: I know. I just -
RORY: What -- why are you so mad?
DEAN: I thought you were back with him or something.
RORY: No, I'm not back with him.
DEAN: I thought you were.
RORY: Well, I'm not. But even if I was back with him, why would it bother you so much?
DEAN: I don't like him.
DEAN: And I...I don't want you with him.
RORY: Right. Because he doesn't treat me right, right?
DEAN: Right. [leans in a little]
RORY: And you wouldn't want me to be with someone who doesn't treat me right, because
you're my friend, right?
DEAN: Right... I'm your friend. [leans closer to Rory]
TOM: Dean! How we doing with those doors? [They jump apart.]
DEAN: W-we're doing fine, Tom. [resumes carrying door]
CUT TO LOBBY FRONT DESK
LORELAI: there you go, Freddy, you're in room nine. Just follow your door.
[Freddy follows man carrying a door up stairs. Miss Patty approaches.]
MISS PATTY: Oh, honey, this place is spectacular.
LORELAI: Thanks, Patty. You're in room one. I hope you like it.
MISS PATTY: Oh, I just know everything's going to be perfect. There is nothing that you could do that I wouldn't love.
LORELAI: No, that is not the point here. This is a test run. We need to work out all the kinks this weekend so they don't happen again, so we're depending on your feedback, and especially your criticism.
MISS PATTY: All right, I promise to be a pain.
LORELAI: I appreciate that. Just follow your door to your room.
MISS PATTY: Oh. [Chuckles - eyes light up when she sees the young man with her door] After you, sweetheart.
TAYLOR: Well, you can count on me for my feedback, Lorelai. I promise you that. In fact, I've already got fourteen complaints written down.
TAYLOR: Most of them are small infractions, but it's the little things -- the details -- that distinguish the Barbra Streisands from the Roslyn Kinds.
LORELAI: Absolutely, Taylor.
TAYLOR: I even took it upon myself to bring my own comment cards just in case you didn't think to supply them.
LORELAI: Well, we did supply comment cards, but I'm sure yours are even better.
TAYLOR: That was a very polite response. I'm writing that down.
CUT TO INN ENTRY STAIRS
[Kirk descends stairs]
KIRK: Excuse me, I need some stuff taken out of my room.
MICHEL: What stuff?
KIRK: The lamp, the bronze bookends, the books, the shoehorns, the sewing kit. Are the paintings bolted to the walls?
KIRK: Well, bring some pliers in case simple yanking doesn't do it.
MICHEL: I am not yanking the pictures off the wall.
KIRK: Well, apparently, you've never been in love.
CUT TO INN FRONT DESK
LORELAI: There you go, room eight. [hands keys to two men] Just follow your door. [Rory approaches] Hey, you know, this door thing is actually pretty fun.
RORY: Michel said to fill in for him. Kirk has him taking the light bulbs out of all the sconces.
[Emily and Richard enter from front followed by much luggage]
LOREALI: Oh, Mom, Dad! Look, Rory, there are your grandparents and everything they own.
EMILY: You didn't tell us what attire was required, so I had to pack everything.
RORY: Hi, Grandma. Hi, Grandpa. We're so glad you could come.
RICHARD: We're delighted to be here. May we have our key? I'm tired from the drive.
LORELAI: It takes twenty minutes to get here.
RICHARD: It felt longer.
EMILY: Which way do we go, upstairs?
LORELAI: No, mom, you and dad aren't upstairs. You're in our nicest room. Guys, will you take my parents to room twelve? The boys will take you there.
EMILY: Where are they going?
LORELAI: Just follow them, Mom.
EMILY: They're heading outside.
LORELAI: Yes. Your room has its own entrance for privacy.
EMILY: Oh. Well, fine. We'll see you later, Rory.
RORY: Bye. [Emily and Richard leave] You are the bad seed.
LORELAI: "I have the prettiest mother. Everybody thinks so." [strokes Rory's cheek while speaking in odd voice]
[Luke enters Inn with bouquet of flowers in hand - looking around. Lorelai smoothes hair, leaves Front desk and approaches Luke]
LORELAI: Hey, hi. You came.
LUKE: Sure. I RSVP'd.
LUKE: Here, these are for you -- a little congratulations. [hands Lorelai the flowers]
LORELAI: Oh, my God, they're beautiful. Thank you. [flustered] I was - um
well, okay, so, we should get you all, uh, checked in. And that's...over there.
LUKE: [ Chuckles ] You okay?
LORELAI: Oh, God, yeah. Me? I'm totally fine. [turns toward the front desk and hits face into a door as man walks by] Oh!
LORELAI: [hits head again] Oh, God. Um, [Chuckles] I'm fine. No problem. [squinting in pain] Um, that was your door, so you could just follow that on up
and we'll see you at dinner. Rory? [beckons Rory to bring key]
LUKE: Are you sure you're okay?
LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine It's like the third time I did that today. It's a bit. . [Rory approaches and hands Luke his key] We're going to be the comedy inn. We finally found our theme. So, you got your key, and, uh, b-b-bye. [Luke exits up the stairs. Rory stares at Lorelai strangely.] I've locked you in before, and I will do it again. [Giggles and smells the flowers.]
CUT TO INN DINING ROOM - EVENING MEAL
[Indistinct conversations. Lorelai moves from table to table checking on guests]
LORELAI: [approaches Rory and Jackson's table] Hey, how it going?
RORY: It's going very well.
JACKSON: Very, very well.
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] Oh, Jackson, I love the shirt.
JACKSON: Isn't it great? It's an anniversary gift from Sookie.
RORY: Sweet, huh?
LORELAI: These two kids.
JACKSON: I got to tell you, I was completely surprised. I figured, with the test run and everything, she'd be way too busy to remember.
LORELAI: Aw, What are you talking about, Sookie could never forget her mushroom man.
JACKSON: I'd love her to forget that nickname though.
RORY: The food's great, mom.
JACKSON: Yes, it is great.
RORY: Although I admit, I know the chef, so I'm a little biased.
JACKSON: You're a little biased. I'm sleeping with her.
RORY: You also grew the vegetables.
JACKSON: Oh, I did. I can't be trusted at all. [Tom walks past]
LORELAI: Wow Tom, I have never seen you in a suit before!
TOM: Really? 'Cause I'm more a suit guy than anything else.
LORELAI: Hmm. [leans back toward Rory] I'm going to make the rounds.
RORY: We'll be here. [Lorelai approaches table with Babette, Luke, and Miss Patty seated. Babette and Miss Patty are wearing fluffy hotel robes, Luke stares uncomfortably at his meal]
LORELAI: Hi, how is everything this evening?
BABETTE: Oh, my god, these robes!
MISS PATTY: What are they made of? 'Cause I am never getting dressed again.
LORELAI: [to Luke] How are you doing?
LUKE: I'm just staring at my plate.
BABETTE: He's shy. My bathrobe slipped earlier, and his poor little heart couldn't take it.
MISS PATTY: He's been staring at his salad ever since.
LUKE: I like salad. [Lorelai and Luke share a glance and a smile.]
BABETTE: Patty, you wanna try my fish?
MISS PATTY: Fish has too much mercury
BABETTE: For this fish, you'll eat the mercury
MISS PATTY: Oh yeah?
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] Okay, well, you two go easy on him, now.
BABETTE: We'll try.
[Lorelai continues to watch Luke, walking away as she crashes into a waiter.]
LORELAI: Oh! I'm sorry, Derek.
DEREK: You okay?
LORELAI: Well, there's a debate going on about that.
[Derek leads Kirk and Lulu toward their table. Kirk leans down to Luke]
KIRK: We're all set up.
LUKE: Stop whispering in my ear, Kirk.
KIRK: I'm just saying
LUKE: You're still doing it, Kirk. [Derek seats Kirk and Lulu at Taylor's table]
DEREK: Can I get you anything, Mr. Doose?
TAYLOR: Another pen would be nice.
DEREK: Do you have enough paper?
TAYLOR: Just the pen will be fine.
DEREK: Coming right up. [leaves]
SOOKIE: Hey, Taylor, how is he?
SOOKIE: The kid, Derek. Is he rude, slow, stupid?
TAYLOR: No, actually, he's been an excellent waiter all evening.
SOOKIE: Crap. [Taylor looks puzzled]
CUT TO INN KITCHEN
LORELAI: Hey, I have no need of salad in my life ever, but this is amazing.
SOOKIE: He's great. [dejected tone] They're all great. What happened to the disenfranchised youth of America? Where did all these worker bees come from?
LORELAI: Cheer up, Sookie, the food's going over like gangbusters.
MICHEL: I went to check on the backup generators. Everything is fine.
LORELAI: And the dinner's going great.
MICHEL: Everyone's settled, the doors are up.
SOOKIE: Everyone seems happy.
LORELAI: They do, don't they?
This is gonna work. [They all grin]
[Lorelai exits kitchen toward the front lobby - sees Jason standing there]
LORELAI: [dumbfounded] Uh, w-what are you doing here?
JASON: The place looks great.
LORELAI: Thank you. What are you doing here?
JASON: We need to talk.
LORELAI: Not now we don't.
JASON: I stayed away, I gave you space.
LORELAI: You gave me space? We broke up.
JASON: I didn't look at it that way. I looked at it as a cooling-off period.
LORELAI: How very revisionist of you. Jason, I'm working.
JASON: Ten minutes.
JASON: Lorelai, we were doing great.
LORELAI: Until you decided to sue my father, yeah, we rocked. Thank you. Goodbye.
JASON: I am not leaving.
LORELAI: Jason, please, I have an inn full of people here.
JASON: Okay, um, one room, please.
JASON: I would like a room. How much is a room?
LORELAI: No, no. Jason, you can't stay here. Every room is taken. Please go. I will call you on Monday.
JASON: I can't wait until Monday. It gives you too much time to talk yourself out of trying again.
LORELAI: First I would have to talk myself into trying again, so let's make it Tuesday.
JASON: I'll wait till you're done.
LORELAI: I'm not going to be done for two days.
JASON: I'll wait till you take a break.
LORELAI: I will not have a break for two days.
JASON: This is a terrible job. I would like a word with your boss. Who is above you?
LOREALI: Jason, I can't do this.
JASON: Lorelai, I've been sitting in my apartment for two weeks staring at a dead plant that you gave me. Now I know we can work this out. I am not leaving until we do.
LORELAI: Oh, boy.
JASON: Just go about your business, and when you're ready to talk, I will be here. [sits down in lobby chair - picks up book on table] Oh, look, "Above Connecticut." I've been looking for that.
LORELAI: Well... [moves off through dining room, where desert and coffee is being served. ]
CUT TO DINING ROOM -- NIGHT
[Dining tables now hold board games and various guests are grouped together to play.]
LULU: Hey, Kirk, I'm getting tired.
KIRK: You are?
LULU: Would you mind if we went to bed?
KIRK: Uh, no, that's fine. You're tired. So, then...[Shouting] Let's go upstairs and go to bed!
LULU: Okay. Good night, everyone.
KIRK: I'm right behind you. [lingers by Luke's table and jerks head, motioning to Luke]
BABETTE: I think Kirk wants you to go upstairs and make love to him.
LUKE: Will you just roll? [Babette shakes dice for Yahtzee]
CUT TO RORY AND TOM'S TABLE
LORELAI: [ Sighs ] Hey, how's it going here?
TOM: She's letting me win. It's very annoying.
RORY: How's it going with you?
LORELAI: Well, we locked the kitchen crew in with Michel for twenty minutes, and it backfired a little. Six of them quit, and we have to start hiring again tomorrow. When you're done, would you run home and grab some CDs? I totally forgot to have them in case one of the guests wants to play something in their room.
RORY: Sure, no problem. Hey, you do notice that Jason's sitting in the other room, right?
LORELAI: Yeah, I'm handling it
RORY: Okay. [Lorelai exits the dining area while Luke looks on with some concern.]
CUT TO LOBBY
LORELAI: Here. [hands Jason plate of hot food]
JASON: What's this?
LORELAI: You've been sitting there all night. You must be hungry. Eat something.
JASON: Thanks. Here, sit and have dinner with me.
LORELAI: Oh, Jason.
JASON: I'll feed you. It'll be adorable.
LORELAI: How much longer are you going to stay?
JASON: Just long enough to fix everything that went wrong between us. Luckily, I'm currently unemployed. I have plenty of time. [Luke watches from a distance in dining room]
LORELAI: You're very stubborn.
JASON: I just refuse to lose the things that are important to me. [Lorelai sighs.]
CUT TO DINING AREA
[Babette rolls dice. Luke watches the activity in the lobby, oblivious to the game action]
BABETTE: Full house! Oh, my God, I'm kicking your ass!
LUKE: Hey, Babette, who's that?
BABETTE: Who's what? Oh, that's Jason Stiles. He was Lorelai's boyfriend for the last six months.
LUKE: Oh, yeah?
BABETTE: Yeah. Not exactly who I pictured her with, but he does have a very nice car. Anyhow, they were hiding their relationship from her parents, 'cause Jason was her father's business partner. Well, of course, the parents found out about it, and all hell broke loose. Jason wound up suing Lorelai's father.
LUKE: They still together?
BABETTE: I don't know. I thought they broke up, but he's here, so maybe. I could ask Patty for you if you want. Sometimes she gets the news first, 'cause her phone line picks up other people's conversations -- something about proximity to the power lines. I'll tell ya, location, location, location. [Luke continues to watch Lorelai and Jason]
CUT TO LOBBY
LORELAI: I have to get back to work.
JASON: Go, work. I'm fine. I'm comfortable. I have food, Sookie brought me wine, and I've moved on to "Gnomes of the West."
LORELAI: I'll have someone bring you out some dessert. [Lorelai walks toward front desk]
[Emily barges into lobby]
EMILY: Lorelai Gilmore, why would you do that?!
LORELAI: Do what?
EMILY: You stuck your father and me out in that Godforsaken cabin!
LORELAI: It's the honeymoon suite.
EMILY: One room, no access to the main building, pitch-black at night.
LORELAI: It's romantic.
EMILY: No television, no radio.
LORELAI: Actually there is a television. It's in the cabinet behind--
EMILY: And then the room service.
LORELAI: Roast beef and champagne.
EMILY: The one chance to get out of there, away from each other, and you yank it away!
LORELAI: Why would you want to get away from each other, Mom? Are you and Dad fighting?
EMILY: Stop it! You know! You know your father and I are separated, and you brought us out here and stuck us in the woods to stare at each other for 48 hours!
LORELAI: What was I supposed to do? You weren't saying anything, Dad wasn't saying anything.
EMILY: Of all the cruel, insensitive -
LORELAI: How was I supposed to know I was supposed to know?
EMILY: You did know!
LORELAI: But you didn't want me to know.
EMILY: Of course I didn't want you to know.
EMILY: Exactly what?
LORELAI: You didn't want me to know, so I didn't know, and now you're mad I didn't know?
EMILY: Because you did know!
LORELAI: But I wasn't supposed to know, so I acted like I didn't know!
EMILY: And then you forced your father and me to come here tonight under pretense of family obligation.
LORELAI: Well, hello, that's the Gilmore way.
EMILY: I won't stay out in that cabin one more second. I demand a room in here.
LORELAI: We don't have any rooms in here, Mom. They're all taken.
EMILY: Then bump someone.
LORELAI: Can't you and Dad just talk about it?
EMILY: No, you stop it right now! This is none of your business.
LORELAI: What happened? Was it Floyd's lawsuit?
EMILY: Lorelai, just give me a room.
LORELAI: I don't have a room, Mom.
EMILY: You don't have a room for your mother?
LORELAI: I have a room for my mother. It's the room my mother's in.
EMILY: That's not a room. That's a practical joke.
LORELAI: No, it was a chance for you and Dad to do something special.
EMILY: Fine. If you won't find me another room, then I'll just sit in there until tomorrow. [She walks into seating area of the lobby.] Jason.
EMILY: Do you have a room?
LORELAI: No, Mom, he doesn't. He just showed up here, because, apparently, it's Blake Edwards night at the dragonfly.
RICHARD: Emily. [sees Jason] Jason?
EMILY: He has a room.
RICHARD: Are you trying to kill us?
LORELAI: [exasperated] Oh, my god.
RICHARD: I packed our things. I think it's time to go. [Emily leaves.] I hope you've had your fun.
LOREALI: Oh, yeah, it's been a blast.
JASON: Can I get their room? [Lorelai narrows her eyes and leaves.]
CUT TO LORELAI AND RORY'S HOUSE - BACK KITCHEN DOOR
[Rory opens back door]
RORY: How'd you know I was here?
DEAN: Your mom said she sent you on an errand.
RORY: Ah, you went right to the source.
DEAN: [ Chuckles ] Can I -
RORY: I'm just trying to find some CDs for the Dragonfly.
DEAN: I hear Taylor's a big hip-hop fan.
RORY: Oh, he hops with the hippest of them.
CUT TO RORY'S ROOM
DEAN: Your room looks the same.
RORY: Yeah, I tried that whole French revival thing, but it didn't really work for me.
DEAN: So, um, is it weird being back at home after being away for a while?
RORY: No, it feels completely normal.
DEAN: So, um [Chuckles] Today...
RORY: Yes, today.
DEAN: An interesting day.
RORY: I'd authorize a case study if I could.
DEAN: You know, I could be wrong, but somehow I had a feeling that maybe if Tom hadn't have come in when he did -
DEAN: It's not working with Lindsay. I can't make it work. I've tried.
RORY: Are you sure? Because I've heard that the first two years of marriage are the hardest.
DEAN: We're not happy. She's not happy, and I can't make her happy.
RORY: I can't imagine that.
DEAN: It was a mistake, and I know that now. From the very beginning, it wasn't -
RORY: Wasn't what?
DEAN: It wasn't...
RORY: Maybe you could, um, go see a counselor or go away together.
DEAN: No, it's just -- it's over. We both feel it. I know we both feel it.
RORY: You and Lindsay?
DEAN: Yeah, me and Lindsay.
RORY: You both feel it's over?
DEAN: I tried. We tried.
RORY: Well, if it's over, I'm sorry.
DEAN: You are?
RORY: I'm sorry you're not happy.
DEAN: I'll be happy again. Things happen for a reason, right? [moves closer]
RORY: Right. I can't believe this is -- that we're... [moving closer]
DEAN: I can
[They kiss. Dean slowly lowers Rory to her bed.]
CUT TO INN LOBBY
[Luke enters from dining area - all is deserted except for Luke and Jason.]
LUKE: Hey. How you doing? [approaches]
LUKE: Good. Luke Danes. [offers hand shake]
JASON: Jason Stiles. [takes Luke's hand]
LUKE: So, I see you had the pot roast. [sits down in chair next to Jason]
LUKE: Good, huh?
JASON: Yeah, very good.
LUKE: All the food was great tonight. So, Jason Stiles, Jason Stiles. I'll tell ya, that name is familiar.
JASON: I'm a friend of Lorelai's.
LUKE: Yeah, me too. I own the diner in town.
JASON: Yeah, she's mentioned you.
LUKE: Has she? Well, it's nice to be mentioned. [chuckles ] So, uh, [clears throat] you know Lorelai from where?
JASON: Actually, we're dating.
LUKE: You're dating?
JASON: Going on six months.
LUKE: You're dating now?
LUKE: Oh sorry, my mistake. I thought you two had, uh -
JASON: well, we hit a rough patch, but we're working through it.
LUKE: Well, good for you.
JASON: when it's right, it's right, and Lorelai and I are right.
LUKE: That's great. I'm very happy for you.
JASON: Thanks. Hey, you have any idea where the men's room is?
LUKE: It's back through the dining room.
JASON: Thanks, it was nice meeting you.
LUKE: Sure, you too.
[Luke sits and stews on their conversation. He finally shakes head and rises. Lorelai enters.]
LORELAI: Hey. The last one up?
LUKE: No, not the last one.
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] You okay? I heard Babette was kicking your butt at Yahtzee.
LUKE: Actually, I'm feeling pretty stupid right now.
LUKE: I'm not a mysterious man, am I?
LORELAI: Well, the wardrobe's a bit of a head scratcher.
LUKE: I think I've been very, very clear with my intentions -
LUKE: You know, the wedding, the movie invite, the flowers.
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] Luke -
LUKE: You knew what I was doing!
LORELAI: Well, no, not officially.
LUKE: Not officially? Oh, come on. I mean, I didn't have a ref present, but other than that.
LORELAI: Well, you didn't say anything official.
LUKE: What was I supposed to say? I did things. I let my actions speak. That's what you're supposed to do. Your supposed to let your actions speak. That's the romantic way to do this, damn it.
LORELAI: Okay, you're right. I'm sorry.
LUKE: And you went along with all of it. So naturally, I assumed we were on the same page, and then your boyfriend shows up here at the inn that I invested in.
LORELAI: Whoa, what boyfriend? Are you talking about Jason?
LUKE: No, Tom. Yes, Jason.
LORELAI: You guys were talking? What did he say?
LUKE: He said you were together. I mean, I was sitting there listening to this guy spout on and on about how it's right, you're right, he's right. The whole time, I'm thinking, "What the hell have I been doing all this for? She's taken." [Storms out the front door - Lorelai follows]
LORELAI: I -- I'm not taken! We broke up!
LUKE: Well, he doesn't know that!
LORELAI: Well, just calm down!
LUKE: Aw, I don't want to calm down! I did everything right! I did exactly what the book said!
LORELAI: The book?!
LUKE: I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy.
LORELAI: I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!
LUKE: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!
LORELAI: I loved the flowers!
LUKE: And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment.
LORELAI: There was! There was a moment. [Luke gazes at Lorelai, then moves closer.]
LORELAI: What are you doing?
LUKE: Will you just stand still?
[He gathers her in his arms and they kiss. Lorelai pulls away then moves back closer to Luke.]
LUKE: What are you doing?
LORELAI: Will you just stand still?
[She holds his face as she kisses him. Luke's arms wrap around her as they kiss. She pulls away again. As they gaze at each other, Luke grasps her waist and pulls her back.]
KIRK: Aaaaah! [running down stairs, buck naked with only a pillow covering himself.] Aaah! Aaaah! [runs out the door in terror into the night] Aaaaah! Aaaah!
LUKE: I'll be right back. [Lorelai looks puzzled] I'll explain later. [runs after Kirk]
KIRK: Aaah! Aaah!
CUT TO LORELAI AND RORY'S HOUSE
[Lorelai enters front door running up the stairs]
LORELAI: Rory! Oh, my God. You're missing everything. [runs up the stairs] Grab those CDs and head back to the inn before you miss the cross-dressing midgets. That's where the night is headed. Oh! Things are happening -- big things, wow things. I have so much to tell you. [descends the stairs with box of Band-aids] Let me just open with this little tidbit -- Kirk running naked through the square. Of course, with all my careful planning and preparation, I forgot to bring Band-aids and a camera. I have got to learn that, always, without fail, Kirk equals camera. [sees Rory standing alone in kitchen] Hey, what's going on?
RORY: Dean came over to borrow something. [Dean exits Rory's bedroom to join her in kitchen]
DEAN: Yeah. [ Clears throat ] Thanks.
RORY: You're welcome.
DEAN: So, um, I should go. Um...bye, Lorelai.
RORY: Bye, Dean. [the door closes] So, I'm almost done getting the CDs together. I picked a wide selection so we'd have choices, and then I picked a bunch that probably only you will like, but it's good to have options.
LORELAI: [sighs and looks at Rory's rumpled bed] So, what did he borrow?
RORY: I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it first. I know I promised I would, but I swear, I didn't know that this was going to happen. I mean, I didn't know he was going to show up tonight, and it just happened. It's awful for you to find out like this, I know, but everything's okay. I'm okay, and we were, you know, safe. So all those Trojan man jokes all these years really apparently stuck. And I'm lucky, too, because Dean, he's -- well, aren't you glad that it happened with someone who's good and really loves me?
LORELAI: But he's married.
RORY: You don't understand the situation.
LORELAI: Is he still married?
RORY: Yes, but -
LORELAI: Then I understand the situation.
RORY: It's not working out between them. They're not happy.
LORELAI: Oh, Rory.
RORY: He tried the best he could, but it didn't work. It's over.
LORELAI: [ Sighs ] He told you that?
LORELAI: He told you he's leaving her?
RORY: Well -
LORELAI: He told you he's moving out, they're getting divorced, he's got a lawyer, they've divided up the monster-truck season tickets?
RORY: We didn't get around to discussing everything.
LORELAI: You didn't get around to discussing everything?
RORY: It was a crazy night.
LORELAI: You, of all people -- the girl who thinks everything through, the list maker -- you didn't bother to discuss those things before jumping into bed with a married guy?
RORY: He's not a married guy. He's Dean -- my Dean.
LORELAI: He's not your Dean. He's Lindsay's Dean. You're the other woman.
RORY: I told you, it's over.
LORELAI: It's not over until he's out of the house with the ring off.
RORY: He took the ring off.
LORELAI: Oh, my God, I don't believe this.
RORY: He's in love with me, not Lindsay.
LORELAI: Does Lindsay know that?
RORY: She's not good for him, okay? She lets him quit school and work himself to death and -
LORELAI: No, Rory, uh-uh, you can't be one of those girls who blames the wife for forcing the husband to cheat.
RORY: He wasn't cheating.
LORELAI: He was cheating, Rory. He was cheating, and you were cheating with him. There's no other way to spin that, kid.
RORY: I'm not spinning it, and I'm not a kid. I'm 19.
LORELAI: This is your first time. It's just not the way your first time was supposed to be.
RORY: Oh, and how was my first time supposed to be?
LORELAI: Well, first of all, it was supposed to be in a retirement home. And secondly, ideally, it was supposed to be with someone single.
RORY: My first time was with someone sweet and kind who loves me.
LORELAI: I didn't raise you to be like this. I didn't raise you to be the kind of girl who sleeps with someone else's husband.
RORY: You slept with dad when he was with Sherry.
LORELAI: He wasn't married to Sherry.
RORY: He was engaged, and she was pregnant.
LORELAI: So, this is all my fault? I set one crappy example for you, and you have no choice but to follow in my footsteps? [Rory turns and walks away.] Rory, what are you going to do now? Huh? Is there a plan?
RORY: I don't want to talk about it anymore.
LORELAI: I just want what's best for you, that's all!
RORY: I don't want to talk about it!
LOREALI: I just don't want you to get hurt, Rory. What if he doesn't leave her? Now you're all emotionally involved.
RORY: You're just mad because I didn't come running to you to discuss whether or not I was ready for this step. I decided it on my own.
LOREALI: Well, obviously, you weren't ready for this step. The very fact that you chose another girl's guy to sleep with proves that!
RORY: He was my boyfriend first!
LOREALI: But you dumped him! You rejected him! You picked someone else!
RORY: Stop it! [walks away]
RORY: I hate you for ruining this for me! [Walks out front door and pulls on sweater. Dials a number on her cell phone]
LINDSAY: [answering phone] Hello? Hello? Hello?
[Rory hangs up and sinks to her knees. Lorelai exits the front door and watches her daughter sobbing on the front lawn.]