written by Amy Sherman-Palladino and John Stephens
directed by Amy Sherman-Palladino
transcript by Stacy
OPEN AT INDEPENDENCE INN
[Lorelai, Rory, Michel, and Sookie are sitting at a table in the dining room listening to a CD.]
ELLA FITZGERALD [Singing]: I've flown around the world in a plane. I've settled revolutions in Spain. The North Pole I have charted, but I can't get started with you...."
LORELAI: Sookie, youve gotta be kidding.
LORELAI: You cannot walk down the aisle to that.
LORELAI: Its depressing.
SOOKIE: Its Ella.
LORELAI: Its morbid.
SOOKIE: Its a classic song.
LORELAI: A classic song with lyrics about a woman who cant make her relationship work, whose life is filled with emptiness and regret and pain.
SOOKIE: Oh, who listens to the lyrics?
LORELAI: Anybody not hanging out with Annie Sullivan by the water pump.
RORY: What are these?
SOOKIE: Oh, those are some alternative songs, but I really like this one the best.
LORELAI: Alternative songs, good. Lets see. Hey Jude.
SOOKIE: Paul wrote it for Julian to cheer him up.
LORELAI: Seasons in the Sun?
SOOKIE: Oh, a sentimental favorite.
LORELAI: Cats in the Cradle?
SOOKIE: Oh, it makes you re-examine your priorities.
LORELAI: Dont Cry Out Loud? Sookie, do you even like Jackson?
MICHEL: Okay, I have a wonderful suggestion.
LORELAI: Great, lets hear it.
MICHEL: Okay, here we go. How about I leave?
LORELAI: And then do what?
MICHEL: Thats it. I leave and I dont have to listen to this insanity anymore. What do you think, huh? Because I love it.
LORELAI: Michel, I am in the wedding, which means you have to run the wedding all by yourself, something youve never done before.
MICHEL: Oh, please.
RORY: Ill tell you what, Sookie. How about Lane and I come up with a few more suggestions for you? Still melodic, but not quite as Girl, Interrupted.
SOOKIE: All right, fine.
LORELAI: Great. Michel, hows the RSVP list coming?
MICHEL: Well, I must say this has been especially challenging for me. I mean, when you are talking about a wedding with up to forty people all living within a five mile radius, how can one person be expected to keep track of all of that?
LORELAI: Just an answer will do.
MICHEL: I mean, it got a little hairy there for a moment I almost had to use a second sheet of paper, you know.
LORELAI: You know, Im not gonna let you annoy me out of making you handle this.
MICHEL: Oh, well see.
SOOKIE: Hey, my cousin Carl canceled so I have two empty seats. Anyone else you wanna invite?
RORY: Ive got Lane, Ive got Dean, Im good.
SOOKIE: What about Emily and Richard?
LORELAI: Emily and Richard who?
SOOKIE: Your Emily and Richard.
LORELAI: Oh, Sookie, you are way too sweet.
SOOKIE: What? She went to all that trouble to help me plan the first phase of the wedding.
LORELAI: The crazy phase of the wedding.
SOOKIE: It was still sweet and I appreciated it. I mean, if it wasnt for your mother, I never wouldve settled on the color pink.
LORELAI: Why is that?
SOOKIE: Well, I wanted yellow and she said no.
LORELAI: Oh, with logic like that.
SOOKIE: Come on, just ask her. I want you to.
LORELAI: Okay, Ill ask her.
LORELAI: What are you doing?
SOOKIE: Its get happier the second time you hear it.
SOOKIE: Huh? Snappier, isnt it?
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Rory, Lorelai, and Emily are sitting in the living room before dinner.]
LORELAI: Huh. You know what I just realized? Oy is the funniest word in the entire world.
LORELAI: I mean, think about it. You never hear the word oy and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
EMILY: Oh, dear God.
LORELAI: Poodle is another funny word.
EMILY: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
LORELAI: In fact, if you put oy and poodle together in the same sentence, youd have a great new catch phrase, you know? Like, oy with the poodles already. So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catch phrase.
RORY: Oy with the poodles already.
LORELAI: Im telling you, its knocking whatcha talking bout, Willis? right out of first place.
EMILY: Lorelai, for Gods sake, be quiet.
MAID: Dinners ready, Mrs. Gilmore.
EMILY: Bless you, Inga. Please go tell Mr. Gilmore. Hes in his den.
MAID: Yes, maam.
EMILY: Shall we?
LORELAI: Oh, hey Mom, uh, Sookie wanted to know if you and Dad would like to come to her wedding.
LORELAI: Yeah, its gonna be great. Small, low key, but fun. Shes catering it herself so the foodll be fantastic, and youd get to see me and Rory walk down the aisle in two of the least obnoxious bridesmaid dresses ever created.
EMILY: Well, that sounds very nice. When is it?
LORELAI: A week from Sunday.
EMILY: A week from Sunday?
EMILY: The wedding is in one week?
EMILY: So this is a pity invite?
LORELAI: A what?
EMILY: Someone canceled at the last minute and rather than being left with two empty seats, Sookie asked you to ask us. How nice.
LORELAI: Thats not what happened.
EMILY: No, thats quite all right. Far be it from me to be invited with the first batch of actual wanted guests. This is just fine.
LORELAI: Mom, its not a pity invite. She really wants you to come.
EMILY: Is that so?
LORELAI: Yes, thats so.
EMILY: Wheres our invitation?
EMILY: Our invitation. I mean, she mustve at least given you an invitation to give us.
LORELAI: She thought it would be more special coming directly from me.
EMILY: So she was out of invitations. I never felt so special.
LORELAI: Mom, she wants you to come. Theres no reason to be insulted here.
EMILY: I guess I should be thrilled that I didnt just get a call from the road as you were on your way there.
LORELAI: Do not turn this into something that its not.
EMILY: Do we have a choice between chicken or fish, or at this point do we just bring our own?
EMILY: Perhaps she would also like us to pick up some extra ice along the way, or help out parking the cars.
LORELAI: Mom, look, isnt Rory pretty?
RICHARD: Apologies all around. I could not get Adamson off the phone.
LORELAI: Dad, glad youre here. Were just talking about how pretty Rory is. Big eyes, baby. Give him the Bambi face.
RICHARD: Oh, Rory gets lovelier every day.
RORY: Why, thank you, Grandpa.
EMILY: Oh Richard?
LORELAI: Oh my God.
EMILY: Guess what Lorelai just told me?
EMILY: We are invited to Sookies wedding.
RICHARD: Oh, how nice. When is it?
EMILY: A week from Sunday.
RICHARD: Oh, so its a pity invite.
LORELAI: Oy with the poodles already.
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[Rory and Dean are at a table eating breakfast.]
RORY: How are your pancakes?
RORY: Good or really good?
RORY: So, not really good?
DEAN: Fine, really good.
RORY: Okay. But are they great?
DEAN: Rory, uh, would you perhaps like to trade breakfasts?
RORY: You mean, your pancakes for my eggs?
RORY: Um, okay. Wow, youre crazy, these pancakes are great.
[Lorelai walks by the window outside]
DEAN: Thats twelve.
RORY: Mm, two more and shell come in.
DEAN: I dont know. Shes been walking back and forth out there for twenty minutes and she still hasnt made it to the door.
RORY: Yeah, but look how much closer to the building shes gotten.
DEAN: Why dont we just bring her something out?
RORY: No. She and Luke have been in this fight for too long, shes gotta do this.
DEAN: Youre cruel.
RORY: Tough love, baby. Oops, I think shes coming in.
DEAN: How can you tell?
RORY: Shes got shoe sale face on.
[Lorelai walks in and sits down]
LORELAI: Okay, I did it, Im in.
RORY: Good girl.
LORELAI: It wasnt so bad. Took awhile, but not so bad. Wait, why are you eating?
RORY: You took thirty minutes to come in.
LORELAI: But Im here now and hey, Im like cheese.
RORY: She gets better with time.
RORY: Sorry gouda, weve got school.
RORY: Order breakfast and Ill leave you the paper.
LORELAI: No, but
RORY: Ill see you tonight.
LORELAI: Dean, dont leave me.
RORY: Youll do fine. Youll do fine.
[Rory and Dean leave; Lorelai walks up to Luke at the counter]
LORELAI: Oh, good donut selection this morning, really. Good variety, good color, good goodness, good . . . Well, so the choices are there. It all comes down to what Im in the mood for. Sprinkled or chocolate or jelly or glazed, maple or kiki or apple or, uh, raised. Little donut rhyme there. Never mind. Can I have a chocolate and a sprinkled please?
LORELAI: So, this is how its gonna be with us now, huh?
LUKE: No idea what youre talking about.
LORELAI: Youre pulling a Mr. Freeze on me.
LUKE: Im not pulling a Mr. Freeze on you.
LORELAI: Please. Im gonna need snow chains just to get out of here.
LUKE: I assume you want coffee with your donuts.
LORELAI: Im sorry, Luke. It was a bad night. I completely freaked out. I said some things. . .did you get my note? I wrote you a note.
LUKE: Got your note.
LORELAI: You got my note. Did you read my note?
LUKE: Read your note.
LUKE: It was very well-written
LORELAI: Thats it?
LUKE: I also enjoyed the Garfield stationary. Thats one funny cat.
LORELAI: I said I was sorry, Luke.
LUKE: Yes, you did.
LORELAI: I said it like a million times.
LUKE: You said it four times, but I understand youre embellishing for dramatic effects.
LUKE: Stop what?
LORELAI: Oh, stop this robot talk. If youre mad, just act like youre mad at me.
LUKE: Im not mad at you.
LORELAI: Youre being really, really unfair. Rory was in the hospital.
LUKE: Lorelai, what is it exactly that you want me to do? Im not mad, Im not holding a grudge, I heard your apology, I feel Im being polite, I listened to your donut bit, I got you your coffee. What would make you happy?
LORELAI: I want Luke back.
LUKE: Hes standing right here.
LORELAI: No, hes not.
[Lorelai walks out of the diner]
CUT TO CHILTON AUDITORIUM
[Paris is at a podium on stage addressing a room full of students]
PARIS: Better drinking fountains, updated lockers, clearly marked boys and girls restrooms, non-dairy and wheat-free alternatives to the cafeteria, a larger voice in the monetary dispersal of charitable funds donated to our institution because it is our institution, yours and mine. Remember people, if Chilton soars, we soar. If Chilton fails, we fail. It is up to us, we must get involved, we must care. It is not enough to sign a petition to get a Little Debbie machine installed in the senior corridor. Snack cakes will not change the world. Cream filling will not decide our legacy. How will future generations of Chilton students remember the class of 2003? John F. Kennedy once said, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. Those eloquent words are just as relevant to here in this hall today. What can you, the future of Chilton, of America, of the world, what can you do for your school? I will tell you what you can do. You can vote for me, Paris Gellar,
MRS. OMALLEY: Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to thank Reese McGinly, Schatzi Leason and Paris Gellar, your presidential candidates for next year. Elections will be held this Friday. Good luck to all of you. This concludes todays assembly. You are all dismissed.
[As people exit the auditorium, Paris walks over to Rory, who is writing in a notebook]
PARIS: Did you get the Little Debbie comment?
RORY: Uh huh.
PARIS: All of it? The cream filling, the snack cake?
RORY: Every delicious morsel.
PARIS: Good, good. So, how do you think it went?
RORY: I think it went fine.
PARIS: Fine, as is better than Reese and Schatzi?
RORY: Fine as in fine.
PARIS: Well, how are you skewing the article?
RORY: Well, youll have to wait and read about it in the Franklin like everyone else.
PARIS: Fine, write whatever you want.
RORY: I will.
PARIS: Just make sure you mention that Schatzi pulling the Sharon Stone/Basic Instinct bit was a cheap attempt to distract the whole student body from my mandatory recycling program.
RORY: Go away, Randolph.
[Madeline and Paris enter the auditorium]
MADELINE: We got it!
PARIS: [walks over to them] You do? Well, come on, tell me.
LOUISE: Okay, a hundred and fifty students were polled.
MADELINE: A total cross section.
LOUISE: We talked to people that we should never have even had to stand near.
MADELINE: The hairstyles alone proved the Farrelly brothers are not making this stuff up.
PARIS: Im sorry, have I ever been mistaken for a patient person?
MADELINE: Right, sorry. Okay, so we added the votes up.
PARIS: You added?
MADELINE: She added.
PARIS: Good, continue.
MADELINE: Okay, when asked which of the three candidates is the most qualified for the job of president, ninety percent said you.
LOUISE: And when asked who of the three candidates would be the most competent president, overwhelmingly the answer was once again you.
PARIS: So thats it, Im in.
MADELINE: Not quite.
PARIS: How is that not quite? Most competent and most qualified, what else is there?
LOUISE: Well, we also polled likability.
MADELINE: And while people think youre smart. . .
PARIS: And competent.
LOUISE: And competent, they also find you, well, a tad. . .
LOUISE: Someone thought a Halloween mask of you would sell big.
PARIS: Well, fine, they dont like me. Big deal, right? Im still most competent.
LOUISE: Yes, but when asked if the likability issue would affect their voting choice, almost a hundred percent said yes.
PARIS: Thats crazy. You mean, people would rather vote for a moronic twink who they liked over someone who could actually do the job?
LOUISE: Sad, but true.
PARIS: Well, what do I do?
MADELINE: Hope for a sex scandal?
LOUISE: Oh, Im on it.
[Louise and Madeline leave. Paris walks back over to Rory.]
RORY: Tomorrow with everyone else.
PARIS: So, I have been wracking my brains for weeks trying to figure out exactly who should be my vice presidential candidate, you know? Who would be yin to my yang, Joel to my Ethan, Damon to my Affleck, and then suddenly, it hits me the perfect person.
PARIS: Its genius. We could announce it in the Franklin tomorrow, Gellar and Gilmore. We even have the g-thing going. Never underestimate the power of alliteration, my friend.
RORY: I dont wanna be vice president.
PARIS: Oh, come on. Every little girl wants to be vice president.
RORY: Not this one.
PARIS: But you have to. Its the only way. Please? Im begging you.
PARIS: They hate me, okay?
RORY: Who hates you?
PARIS: Everyone. Everyone in the whole school hates me. Oh, yeah, they think Im the best for the job, but they dont want to go to the mall with me so they wont vote for me and that means Im going to lose.
RORY: Well, how is my running with you gonna change anything?
PARIS: Because people think youre nice. Youre quiet, you say excuse me, you look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning. People dont fear you.
RORY: Hey, I havent been dressed by a bird since I was two.
PARIS: You will soften my image.
RORY: Youre crazy.
RORY: No, I dont want to be in politics. I just want to write about politics.
PARIS: You wouldnt have to do anything. Ill do all the work and make the speeches. You just have to sit there and be nice.
PARIS: Harvard loves this kid of crap. Being vice president is just one more thing to put you ahead of the rest of the hundreds of thousands of straightA students who are applying for the same spot you are. Think about it. You say no, then comes the day when the letter from Harvard arrives. Theyve turned you down. Enjoy Connecticut State, sucker. Tell me you wont be thinking, what if I had just run with Paris? What if the one thing that couldve ensured my place behind those ivy covered walls I just walked away from?
PARIS: Yes! Okay.
RORY: I guess the thought of just being nice to people never occurred to you, huh?
PARIS: See, that is exactly what I need from you, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm for the new millennium. Hey, wear some braids tomorrow with bows. I mean, hell, lets sell it, sister!
CUT TO DOCTORS OFFICE
[Rory sits on the exam table as Lorelai stands next to her]
LORELAI: So, how do you feel?
LORELAI: Not at all sad?
RORY: About getting my arm back? No.
LORELAI: Really? Cause Ive kind of gotten used to Casty over here. I mean, we decorated him, we talked to him, we protected him from getting wet in the shower.
RORY: Okay, its time to wean you off of getting attached to inanimate objects.
LORELAI: Casty, no one understands you like I do. What? No, I did not know Mr. Band-Aid said that to you. Ugh, I will talk to him when we get home.
[The doctor walks into the room]
DR. SUE: How you doing?
RORY: Dr. Sue, thank God.
DR. SUE: Okay. So Rory, lets get this thing off your arm, huh? What do you say?
RORY: Not a word.
CHRISTOPHER: [from hallway] This one here? Wait, which one? Hey, you in the white, come on, point a finger.
LORELAI: Christopher? [pulls open the door]
CHRISTOPHER: Aha, there you are. Is it still on?
LORELAI: What are you doing?
CHRISTOPHER: Oh, great, I didnt miss it. Hey, doctor, Im the dad.
DR. SUE: Hey, nice to meet you, Dad.
LORELAI: I cant believe youre here.
CHRISTOPHER: Why? I told you last week I wanted to come down for the big unveiling.
LORELAI: I know, but I didnt think you would drive all the way from Boston again. You were just here.
CHRISTOPHER: You getting sick of me?
LORELAI: Frankly, yes.
DR. SUE: Okay, is everyone here now?
RORY: I think so.
DR. SUE: Okay, then lets do it.
CHRISTOPHER: Great, and doctor, if at all possible, wed like to keep the arm.
DR. SUE: Oh, Ill try my best.
CUT TO SIDEWALK
[Lorelai, Rory, and Christopher walk down the street]
CHRISTOPHER: So where to next?
RORY: Um, actually, I have to get home. I have to review my campaign platform.
CHRISTOPHER: Campaign platform?
LORELAI: Yes, our little Hilary Clinton here is running for student body vice president.
RORY: Elections are on Friday, but I can honestly say that Im very torn about which way I want it to go.
LORELAI: I spent four hours making picture buttons. You wanna win.
RORY: But if I win then I have to be vice president next year. Plus, Ill have to spend my summer in Washington for some junior leadership program, which means six straight weeks of me and Paris together in a dorm room.
CHRISTOPHER: Hey, how about this? Ill come back here on Thursday night and Ill take you guys to dinner, and then well break into Chilton and tamper with some votes.
RORY: We cant.
LORELAI: Thursdays Sookies rehearsal dinner.
CHRISTOPHER: Oh well, I guess youll just have to put your trust in a democratic system. Good luck with that.
LORELAI: But if youre gonna be in the area Thursday night, you can come with us to the dinner.
CHRISTOPHER: But its Sookies rehearsal dinner.
LORELAI: Oh, she would love it. Shes cooking for a thousand. Itll be fun.
RORY: Yeah, Im bringing Dean.
LORELAI: I mean, if you cant do it, then. . .
CHRISTOPHER: What time?
LORELAI: Seven thirty.
CHRISTOPHER: Im there.
LORELAI: Thats great. Ill tell her.
CUT TO SOOKIES HOUSE
[The house is full of people for the rehearsal dinner. Kirk starts tapping on his glass]
MISS PATTY: Ooh, ooh, a toast, everybody, a toast!
KIRK: Ladies, gentlemen, honored guests. Who owns the silver Volvo cause youre blocking me in?
MISS PATTY: Well, its better than the toast he made at the Ubromowitz wedding.
CHRISTOPHER: How long before I move the car?
LORELAI: Hm, give it another ten minutes.
KIRK: Come on, Ive gotta go. My mom is waiting. This isnt funny!
[Jackson walks up to Sookie in the kitchen]
JACKSON: We need to talk.
SOOKIE: Whats the matter?
JACKSON: Uh, the bedroom, please.
SOOKIE: Honey, Im melting chocolate here.
JACKSON: Oh, the chocolate can wait. My father just took me aside and handed me this. [holds up a kilt]
SOOKIE: He handed you a skirt?
JACKSON: Oh, its not a skirt, its a kilt.
SOOKIE: Oh. Why did he hand this to you?
JACKSON: He gave this to me to wear on my wedding day.
JACKSON: Oh, yes. He wore it on his wedding day, my grandfather wore it on his wedding day. Apparently, theres a long-standing tradition where the men in my family get very airy on the big day.
SOOKIE: Well, honey, if it means that much to him.
JACKSON: Are you crazy?
SOOKIE: Well, hes your father.
JACKSON: You wont let me wear shorts in public and youre gonna let me get married in this?
SOOKIE: Well, whatre you gonna do?
JACKSON: Im gonna wear pants. If he doesnt like it, he doesnt have to come.
SOOKIE: He has to come, hes the best man.
JACKSON: Too bad! [walks away]
SOOKIE: [follows him] Jackson, come on. Shorts are different, they cut you funny!
CHRISTOPHER: Okay, thats it, I need some air. Grab the bottle.
LORELAI: Bossy. I like it.
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Lorelai and Christopher walk out and sit on the front porch]
CHRISTOPHER: Wow. I hope the second acts as good as the first one.
LORELAI: Oh, well, its a wedding. Things are supposed to be horrible.
CHRISTOPHER: When Jackson came out holding that kilt man, I felt for him.
LORELAI: I know, so did I.
CHRISTOPHER: Please, I saw what your face was doing.
LORELAI: What? What was my face doing?
CHRISTOPHER: It was counting up how many Brigadoon references you could come up with to torture him with at a later date.
LORELAI: How dare you accuse my face of that! My face is calling Gloria Alred when we get home.
CHRISTOPHER: How many references?
CHRISTOPHER: How many?
LORELAI: Twelve, including a few bars of Ill Go Home with Bonnie Jean.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, Im begging you, take plenty of pictures of this wedding because I have a feeling its gonna be a classic.
LORELAI: You know, if youre gonna be in town for the day, you should just come with us and. . .thanks. . .see all the fireworks for yourself.
LORELAI: Just like that, okay?
CHRISTOPHER: Well, if Sookie doesnt mind.
LORELAI: Whats going on with you?
CHRISTOPHER: What do you mean?
LORELAI: I mean, mister suddenly Im everywhere. How come you can just agree to come to the wedding?
CHRISTOPHER: Because I can.
LORELAI: Dont you have to check your appointment book?
CHRISTOPHER: Its on a Sunday.
LORELAI: Dont you have to check with Sherry? Chris, whats up?
CHRISTOPHER: Nothing. Sherrys not in town.
CHRISTOPHER: And even if she was, I still dont think shed mind if I went.
LORELAI: Because shes the coolest chick in the world?
CHRISTOPHER: Because things arent going too well for us lately.
LORELAI: Oh, no.
CHRISTOPHER: She had this big business trip planned and before she left, we had a talk.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. We tried to come up with some answers but we couldnt think of anything, so she left and we said wed take this time apart to think.
LORELAI: What have you been thinking?
CHRISTOPHER: About finding an apartment.
LORELAI: Wow, um, thats so weird. Last time I saw you two, you were. . .well, nauseating, actually.
CHRISTOPHER: Believe me, we made ourselves sick a few times.
LORELAI: I dont know what to say.
CHRISTOPHER: No, theres nothing to say. Its nobodys fault. It just isnt it.
LORELAI: You okay?
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, Im okay. Thanks.
LORELAI: Well, then, its decided. Youll come with me to Sookies wedding and youll make sure I stop one or two Brigadoon-isms shy of Jackson taking me out with a bagpipe.
CHRISTOPHER: It would be my pleasure.
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[The next morning, Rory is sitting in the living room as Lorelai walks down the stairs]
LORELAI: Oh my God, Im so tired.
RORY: Hey Mom?
LORELAI: Yes, angel?
RORY: Do you happen to know where the almonds I made for table five went?
RORY: Cause they were here last night before Sookies dinner.
LORELAI: Really? How odd?
RORY: Yeah. And this morning, I found some tulle on the staircase leading up to your bedroom.
LORELAI: Hmm. Ghosts?
RORY: It took me six hours to make those almond bundles, Mother.
LORELAI: Well, see if you can beat that next time.
RORY: So you got home late from Sookies?
LORELAI: Yeah, I stayed to help her clean up a little. Hey, guess what?
LORELAI: I know something you dont know.
LORELAI: Okay, just remember, its really wrong to gossip, unless its true or just way too good not to tell everyone you see, whether you know them or not.
RORY: Got it, what is it?
LORELAI: Well [phone rings] Aw, if thats my conscience calling, tell it enough already, I heard it the first time.
RORY: [answers phone] Hello?
PARIS: Hows this sound for a template? I have done my best. I have lost. Mr. Nixon has won. The democratic process has worked its will, so now let's get on with the urgent task of uniting this country.
RORY: What is that?
PARIS: Hubert Humphreys concession speech. Now, other than the part about Nixon, parts of it really seem to apply here.
PARIS: Hey, Im not going to steal it. Ill paraphrase and Ill give him credit.
PARIS: Not that the person who actually wins will even know who Hubert Humphrey is, but hey, I bet theyll organize one boffo senior ditch day.
RORY: Where are you?
PARIS: In the auditorium. I wanted to be here for one last meet and greet, get them right before they walk in the booth.
RORY: Leave that place right now.
PARIS: But .
RORY: People will think that youre insane and generally people are scared of the insane, so see where Im going here?
PARIS: Im going to lose.
RORY: You dont know that.
PARIS: Yes, I do. Because even if I win, I only won because of you. Therefore, either way I lose.
RORY: Come on. Go get a cup of coffee, relax. You deserve this job, I swear. Put away the concession speech.
PARIS: Hubert Humphrey must not have been considered very fun either.
RORY: Ill see you at school. [hangs up] God, she wants to win so badly, and me, not so badly. I feel terrible.
LORELAI: Aw, come on. You know you wanna win so you can spend your whole summer in Washington far away from me.
RORY: Please, dont even talk about Washington. It gives me a stomachache.
LORELAI: It might be wonderful.
RORY: Good, then you and I will go someday.
LORELAI: Aw, look at you, trying to make Mommy feel like you dont spend every night tunneling out of here with a spoon.
RORY: Get back to the gossip, please.
LORELAI: Oh yeah. Okay. So, guess whos in the process of breaking up?
RORY: Brad and Jen?
LORELAI: Bite your tongue.
RORY: I dont know.
LORELAI: Sherry and your dad.
RORY: Dad told you that?
LORELAI: Last night.
RORY: Wow. But they were so together.
LORELAI: I know. Well, now theyre not.
RORY: Well, is he oh, look at you.
RORY: Youre totally gloating.
LORELAI: Im not gloating.
RORY: Then why are you smiling?
LORELAI: Im not smiling. I had a little stroke.
LORELAI: Oh, look, if he was all broken up about it then I would be sad, but hes not, so ha ha.
RORY: Fourth rung of hell, party of one.
LORELAI: Well, at least my feet wont get cold.
[Lorelai pulls something out of her pocket and puts it in her mouth]
RORY: Whered you get that?
RORY: That. The Jordan almond that you pulled out of your pajama top and ate where did you get it?
LORELAI: Hm, Santa Claus.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN LOBBY
[Michel pulls on his coat and walks up to Lorelai near the front desk]
MICHEL: All right, the piano movers will be here at eight and the chairs will be set up at nine. All the rooms are made up and ready. I will be in at ten. Now I am going home unless you would like me to stay.
LORELAI: Actually, I would, thanks.
MICHEL: No, Im sorry, I think I said that wrong. I am going home now unless you would like me to stay.
LORELAI: I would love you to stay, thanks for offering.
MICHEL: Okay, see, once again, my English not so good. One more time. I am going home now after working six hours longer than I usually work and performing tasks I despise and am ashamed of, and now I am going home to wash off the stench of this horrifying day, that is, unless, for some unknown Godforsaken reason, you need me to stay.
LORELAI: Well, actually .
MICHEL: Goodbye. [leaves]
LORELAI: Hey, can I grab my bag? Im gonna go in the back and change.
EMPLOYEE: [hands her the bag] Sure.
LORELAI: Thank you.
SOOKIE: Hey, I went with the sugared daffodils for the top tier. Let me tell you, they look great. Ooh, Ive outdone myself this time.
LORELAI: What are you still doing here?
SOOKIE: I just wanted to double check everything for tomorrow. Dont worry, Im done, everythings fine. Im now going straight to bed.
LORELAI: Your last night as a single woman.
LORELAI: You still look good.
SOOKIE: I still feel good.
LORELAI: Just think of it. As of tomorrow, you can start wearing cold cream to bed and stop shaving your legs.
SOOKIE: Thats right, cause I already got me a man.
LORELAI: Go to sleep.
SOOKIE: Okay, see you tomorrow?
LORELAI: See you tomorrow.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN
[Later that night, Lorelai is decorating the lobby as Christopher walks down the steps.]
CHRISTOPHER: Well, look whos got Martha Stewart locked in a basement. Did you do all this?
LORELAI: Yeah, I did. Hows it look?
CHRISTOPHER: It looks great.
LORELAI: Good. What are you doing up?
CHRISTOPHER: Couldnt sleep. I sweet-talked the maid into leaving me about ten thousand pillow mints and then I proceeded to eat them all.
LORELAI: Serves you right. Oh God, Im so exhausted.
CHRISTOPHER: Need some help?
[they sit down on the couch]
LORELAI: No, Im almost done. I got up and went back to work just now, didnt I?
CHRISTOPHER: Yes, you did.
LORELAI: Oh, good, cause this is not the time to loaf. Im so happy for Sookie. I mean, its like a real live love story, and I saw it all happen. I mean, I hired Jackson. I watched them meet. I watched them have several bizarrely intense arguments over mustard greens. I watched them fall in love. I got to see it all. It was a nice show. Hi.
LORELAI: What was that?
CHRISTOPHER: I have no idea.
[they kiss again]
CHRISTOPHER: One more time and maybe Ill have an explanation.
[they kiss again]
LORELAI: Ah, this is not happening.
CHRISTOPHER: I hope to God youre wrong.
LORELAI: But its us. I mean, you and I, we. . .
CHRISTOPHER: Have never been in the same place at the same time.
LORELAI: But now. . . [they kiss] My head is spinning.
CHRISTOPHER: Its all the plants in here, too much oxygen.
LORELAI: What do we do now?
CHRISTOPHER: You know, Ive got a room upstairs.
LORELAI: You were that sure youd get lucky?
CHRISTOPHER: I never dreamed Id get this lucky.
LORELAI: Aw, thats good.
CHRISTOPHER: So what do you say?
[They walk toward the staircase]
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN
[Later that night, Lorelai walks down the stairs and into the kitchen. Sookie is working on her wedding cake while wearing her wedding dress and veil.]
LORELAI: What are you doing?
SOOKIE: Daffodils. Am I insane? You cant have daffodils on your wedding cake. What was I thinking?
LORELAI: Stop what youre doing right now.
SOOKIE: Theres too much pink.
LORELAI: Sweetie, theres not too much pink.
SOOKIE: Pink is for girls. Jacksons not a girl. Jackson doesnt like pink. I have all this pink, its like saying, Hey, screw you. You want a say in this? Well, grow some ovaries.
LORELAI: Hey, whoa, honey, hey! Put the pastry bag down.
SOOKIE: I cant, I have to fix this.
LORELAI: Sookie, down. Now step away from all things edible. Hey, what happened?
SOOKIE: I dont know.
LORELAI: When I left you, you were fine.
SOOKIE: I know. And when I went home, I was fine. And when I went to bed, I was fine. And then I had this dream where suddenly my dress is really, really short in back, you know? So I bolt out of bed and I put my dress on, and it looks okay. But then I panic what if Im remembering the dream wrong? What if my dress isnt really screwed up, what if its my veil? So I put on the veil, then I remember Im serving salmon puffs. Salmon puffs! Okay, completely wrong, so I had to rush over here and try to find another first course, and then I walk in and these daffodils just. . .something snapped and thats when you walked in here.
LORELAI: Honey, youre nervous. Its natural.
SOOKIE: Well, I wasnt nervous until tonight.
LORELAI: Well, thats okay.
SOOKIE: Im scared.
LORELAI: I know.
SOOKIE: I dont wanna get divorced.
LORELAI: I know.
SOOKIE: I dont wanna fight all the time and end up bitter.
LORELAI: I know.
SOOKIE: I dont wanna be one of those women sitting around making jokes about husband number two. I want number one to last.
LORELAI: I know.
SOOKIE: I want a guarantee.
LORELAI: Sookie, youre gonna be fine.
SOOKIE: I know. No, I dont. Okay, I need to stop obsessing on this. Tell me something.
LORELAI: Like what?
SOOKIE: I dont know. Anything. Tell me something to make me stop thinking about this.
LORELAI: I just slept with Christopher.
SOOKIE: Thatll work.
LORELAI: It just happened.
LORELAI: Tonight, in his room.
SOOKIE: Oh my God! Was it. . .?
LORELAI: Oh, yeah.
SOOKIE: Wow, what does this mean?
LORELAI: I dont know.
SOOKIE: I mean, is this a good thing?
LORELAI: I dont know. I think it is.
SOOKIE: Oh my God, can you imagine if you and Christopher got together after all these years?
LORELAI: Okay, hold on. We havent even talked about that ourselves yet.
SOOKIE: Ah, ooh God! Oh God.
LORELAI: I know!
SOOKIE: Well, when are you gonna talk about it?
LORELAI: Probably when I go back up there with the snacks I promised.
SOOKIE: Hes waiting for you?
LORELAI: Yes, he is.
SOOKIE: Ooh, youve gotta get back up there.
LORELAI: You have to get some sleep.
SOOKIE: I wanna hear all the details tomorrow.
LORELAI: Mmkay, Ill grab you in between the walking down the aisle and the getting married.
[Sookie starts to leave]
LORELAI: Hey Sookie.
LORELAI: Youre in your wedding dress.
SOOKIE: I am.
LORELAI: Youre beautiful.
[Lorelai walks over and hugs her]
LORELAI: Now you go get some sleep.
SOOKIE: And you go get some.
CUT TO UPSTAIRS
[Lorelai walks into Christophers room with a plate of food.]
LORELAI: Room service.
CHRISTOPHER: I do like this hotel. Oh my God, thats good. What is it?
LORELAI: I have no idea, but if Sookie asks, Michel ate it.
CHRISTOPHER: So, should we avoid the subject for awhile or just dive right in?
LORELAI: Call me Greg Louganis.
CHRISTOPHER: Greg. What just happened here amazing.
LORELAI: Im not arguing.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, does that mean theres a chance for a repeat amazing?
LORELAI: Do you mean right now or just in general?
CHRISTOPHER: Both. Lets start with in general.
LORELAI: I dont know, Chris. Its weird, isnt it? We just found this great balance, Ive been seeing you more, weve been getting along so well.
CHRISTOPHER: I know.
LORELAI: And this thing with Sherry is so recent.
CHRISTOPHER: I know.
LORELAI: And then theres Rory to think about. I mean, we cant just go changing everything on her now. Not unless. . .
CHRISTOPHER: Not unless its gonna be a pretty permanent change.
CHRISTOPHER: And youre so sure it cant be?
LORELAI: No, Im not so sure.
CHRISTOPHER: The timing seems right, Lor.
LORELAI: I know it does.
CHRISTOPHER: Maybe all this stuff we went through thats the journey we needed to take to end up here.
CHRISTOPHER: Being a family Mom, Dad, kid, Volvo.
LORELAI: Ugh, the Volvo will have to go.
CHRISTOPHER: It has a nice ring to it.
LORELAI: Yeah, it does. I guess. . .
LORELAI: I guess well never know until we try.
CHRISTOPHER: So, we try?
LORELAI: Yeah, we try.
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[Kirk walks through the door]
KIRK: Luke, I've only got ten minutes. How quickly can you make me a ham on rye?
LUKE: I've never clocked it, Kirk.
KIRK: Well, you think it could be fast?
LUKE: Yes, Kirk. Of all the sandwiches, I do believe the ham on rye is one of the faster ones to assemble.
KIRK: What about a patty melt? Same time frame?
LUKE: Probably a little longer.
LUKE: Yes, I have to grill a hamburger whereas with the other one I just put the ham on the bread.
KIRK: What if I wanted the bread on the ham on rye toasted? Are we talking somewhere in between the patty melt and the untoasted?
KIRK: Closer to the melt or closer to the - .
KIRK: Peanut butter and jelly to go.
LUKE: Coming right up.
KIRK: What do you think of this suit?
LUKE: It's fine.
KIRK: I got it for Sookie's wedding. I read an article in the paper recently that said that weddings are an excellent place to meet women.
LUKE: Well, if it was in the paper, it must be true.
KIRK: I hope so, 'cause I'm so damn lonely not even Animal Planet does it for me anymore.
LUKE: Your sandwich is coming right up. Caesar, Im going upstairs for a minute.
CUT TO LUKES APARTMENT
[Luke walks through the door and finds Jess inside]
LUKE: Howd you get in here?
JESS: The door was open.
LUKE: No, I mean, I was in the diner. I wouldve seen you come up the stairs. . . you know what, forget it, I dont wanna know. So, hows everything back home?
LUKE: Your mom?
LUKE: You in trouble?
LUKE: Then what the hell you doing here, Jess? You know, I, uh, I called you six times. Now I didnt expect you to call me back so we could sit on the phone in bed and watch Sleepless in Seattle together. I just expected you to call me back, say you got home, say no one mugged me on the bus, say you were okay. Say. . .you know what, never mind. Just tell me what it is you want. I got work to do.
JESS: I wanna come back.
LUKE: You what?
JESS: I want to come back.
LUKE: Come back here?
LUKE: Here to Stars Hollow?
LUKE: To live in this apartment with me?
JESS: I said yes a million times already.
LUKE: You know what, youre the one asking for something so you dont get to be James Dean this time, okay? Now, one more time, you wanna come back?
JESS: I just, I. . . I just wanna come back.
LUKE: You know what people told me when I said you were coming here to live with me? They told me I was crazy, they told me I was insane, they told me to start writing letters to Jodie Foster but I ignored them. I was so sure that I knew what I was doing and then you showed up and you know what happened? You proved them right. I was crazy, and now after all that has happened, after all the chaos and havoc that you have wreaked, youre seriously standing there wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a butt with hands that are flipping me off, telling me you wanna come back?
JESS: You didnt pack up my stuff yet.
LUKE: Uh, no, Ive been a little busy.
JESS: When were you planning on sending it back to me?
LUKE: What, hey, am I wearing a little brown uniform with UPS stamped on it?
JESS: So, what do you think?
LUKE: Things are gonna have to be different, Jess.
JESS: I know.
LUKE: So youre staying?
JESS: Im staying.
LUKE: Okay, then. Stay. I gotta get back to the diner.
JESS: Ill help you close up later, all right?
LUKE: Sure. Shes not home.
LUKE: Shes at Sookies wedding with Dean, theyre still together. They seem to have gotten through the whole car incident. Theyre doing really good, Dean and Rory.
LUKE: Just leave it alone, Jess. Shes got a boyfriend. Just let it go.
JESS: I dont know what youre talking about. Im just going out for a walk.
LUKE: You heard what I said?
JESS: Yeah, I heard what you said.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN
[Before the wedding, people are mingling in the yard.]
MICHEL: The linen closets the third door on the right.
[Rory watches Babette and Patty sing at the piano.]
DEAN: Hey you.
RORY: Hey. You look nice.
DEAN: Thank you. You look beautiful.
RORY: Thank you.
DEAN: So, uh, how many cocktails caused that?
RORY: Oh, they havent had any cocktails yet.
RORY: Oh yeah. When they start having cocktails, were gonna have to hide you.
DEAN: Im looking forward to that. [his cell phone rings] Huh, Im not sure whod be calling me now. Hello?
DEAN: Who is this?
PARIS: Its Paris. I need to talk to Rory.
DEAN: Uh, sure, hold on. [hands phone to Rory] Its Paris.
RORY: What? [on phone] Hello?
PARIS: Weve got the band!
PARIS: We got the band! I knew we had most of the academic clubs tied up, but band they were the wild card cause believe me, if anybodys going to be truly scared of me, its some artsy loser with a tuba wrapped around his neck.
RORY: Paris, how did you get this number?
PARIS: Oh, relax. I wont call you on Prince Williams precious phone again. I just wanted you to know that we did it, were in, welcome to the show. [hangs up]
RORY: I think we won.
DEAN: Wow. Uh, thats great.
DEAN: So I guess this means youll be spending the summer in Washington.
RORY: Oh, nothings decided yet, believe me. Let me do a little research and then Ill figure something out.
LORELAI: You know whats really great about being a grown up? This. [holds up drink]
RORY: Well, thanks for the life lesson.
LORELAI: Youre welcome. Dean, you clean up really nicely.
DEAN: Uh, thank you.
LORELAI: You know, were gonna have to hide him from Patty and Babette once they hit the hooch.
RORY: Already told him.
LORELAI: Okay, well, I gotta check on some things. See you guys later.
[Lorelai turns around and walked toward the porch. Christopher is walking toward her.]
LORELAI: Stop it.
CHRISTOPHER: Stop what?
LORELAI: Stop looking at me like that or everyone here will think we did it. [they kiss] There, thatll throw em off the track.
CHRISTOPHER: So this morning you woke up and felt sorry about last night?
CHRISTOPHER: Embarrassed about last night?
CHRISTOPHER: Eager and willing to repeat last night?
[Lorelai sees her parents walking toward them]
LORELAI: Ah, Mom, Dad, hi.
CHRISTOPHER: Richard, Emily.
RICHARD: Well, hello Christopher. What a pleasant surprise.
LORELAI: You came.
EMILY: Of course we came, we were invited. Hello Christopher. I mean, why did you think we would not come?
LORELAI: I thought you thought the invitation was rude.
EMILY: It was rude. However, it wouldve been equally rude for us not to attend the wedding when we were perfectly capable of doing so, so we came. Thats called rising above it.
LORELAI: I see. Do you wanna come back down here long enough to get a drink?
EMILY: Yes, that would be nice.
CHRSTOPHER: Ill get it for you.
EMILY: Champagne, please.
CHRISTOPHER: Should I make that two?
RICHARD: I believe Ill join you, see what sort of scotch theyre serving here.
CHRISTOPHER: When I get back, youre gonna have to answer my last question.
[Christopher and Richard walk away]
EMILY: What on earth is Christopher doing here?
LORELAI: Um, well, hes visiting his daughter.
EMILY: Thats very nice.
LORELAI: Yeah. Actually, hes been visiting his daughter quite a bit lately.
LORELAI: Yes. In fact, Mom, you might be seeing a lot more of Christopher from now on.
EMILY: Because hell be visiting his daughter?
LORELAI: Yes, hell be visiting his daughter.
EMILY: Well, Ill be damned.
CUT TO WALKWAY
[Christopher and Rory are walking along a pathway]
CHRISTOPHER: So Im guessing your mom talked to you?
RORY: She talks to me all the time, frequently when Im begging her not to.
CHRISTOPHER: And she told you what we discussed?
RORY: She mentioned something about it, yes.
CHRISTOPHER: And what do you think about all this?
RORY: I dont know. What exactly are your intentions?
CHRISTOPHER: Excuse me?
RORY: Your intentions are they honorable?
CHRISTOPHER: Completely honorable.
RORY: Yeah? Because we have been waiting for this for a really long time and we take disappointment extremely hard. I mean it, property damage is often involved.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, I better follow through on this, huh?
RORY: I think thats an excellent idea.
CHRISTOPHER: Come here, you. [they hug, his cell phone rings.] Its probably work.
RORY: On a Sunday?
CHRISTOPHER: Hey lady, Ive got a lot of responsibility now, okay?
CHRISTOPHER: Be right back.
[Christopher walks away. Rory sees Jess and walks over to him]
RORY: What are you doing here?
JESS: Hello to you, too.
RORY: Is everything okay?
JESS: You look nice.
RORY: Thank you. What are you doing here?
JESS: I moved back.
JESS: I moved back.
RORY: But what why?
JESS: Just wanted to.
[Rory kisses him]
RORY: Oh my God! Oh my God!
RORY: Dont say a word!
RORY: I have to go. [runs away] Oh, welcome home!
CUT TO BRIDGE
[Lorelai is standing on the bridge as Christopher walks up to her]
LORELAI: Ah, hey there. Were starting any minute. Have you seen Rory?
CHRISTOPHER: Uh, yeah, I just left her over there.
LORELAI: Oh, good, okay, Ill find her. Go get a good seat. The winds kicking up so this might be a really good show.
CHRISTOPHER: I have to go.
LORELAI: Huh, what, why?
CHRISTOPHER: I have to take care of something.
CHRISTOPHER: Im sorry, really. Ill call you later to see how it went.
LORELAI: No, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What tell me why youre leaving? What whats going on?
CHRISTOPHER: Sherry called. Shes back.
LORELAI: So youre going home. Gonna tell her youre moving out? No? Okay.
CHRISTOPHER: I cant believe this. I mean, I really cant believe this.
LORELAI: Uh, okay, I dont know. Um, just, uh, drive safe.
CHRISTOPHER: Drive safe?
LORELAI: Yeah, drive safe. I mean, you know, youre still Rorys dad, right? So whatever happens or doesnt happen between us, I still need you to drive safe.
LORELAI: Just go, Chris!
CHRISTOPHER: Sherrys pregnant.
LORELAI: Oh. Oh my.
CHRISTOPHER: She just found out and she called me as soon as she found out, and that was her calling to tell me that she found out.
LORELAI: Wow. Well, uh, women all over the world will line up to see that tiny woman fat.
CHRISTOPHER: I dont know what to do. I was so happy last night and now. . .
CHRISTOPHER: I missed it before with Rory. I wasnt there, I wasnt apart of it.
LORELAI: I know.
CHRISTOPHER: And I never forgave myself.
LORELAI: I know.
CHRISTOPHER: So, what, Im just. . .Im gonna do that again? Im just gonna take off, disappear?
LORELAI: No. Youre gonna go home.
CHRISTOPHER: This is absolutely unbelievable. Ive waited years for this, Lor. You, Rory, the whole perfect picture and now - .
LORELAI: Listen, I have to walk down the aisle in a minute and be really happy for Sookie and right now Im having a little trouble standing, so maybe it would be better if you would just go.
CHRISTOPHER: Im so sorry.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah. Me, too.
CHRISTOPHER: Youll tell Rory?
LORELAI: I will. Hey, congratulations.
CUT TO WEDDING
[The wedding ceremony is about to begin. Lorelai is waiting to walk down the aisle. Rory runs over and stands next to her, Lorelai gives her a bouquet.]
RORY: I think Im going to Washington.
LORELAI: Oh. Okay.