written by Daniel Palladino
directed by Lesli Linka Glatter
transcript by Stacy
OPEN IN STARS HOLLOW
[Lorelai and Rory walk down the street towards Lukes]
LORELAI: But my question is, how did that happen? How was it that suddenly everyone in the world was saying music has charms to soothe the savage beast when it was written breast.
RORY: I dont know. At some point someone misspoke and it just caught on.
LORELAI: How do things like that catch on?
RORY: Mom, please, youre driving me crazy.
LORELAI: I mean, did some guy like say it at a big rally of some sort and everyone went home and started saying it that way and then it just spread from there?
RORY: Yes, exactly.
LORELAI: Oh, now youre just trying to shut me up.
[they walk into Lukes Diner, no ones in there except Luke]
LORELAI: Oh my God.
LUKE: Just one of those weird lulls, happens occasionally.
RORY: Can we sit wherever we like?
LUKE: Wherever you like.
LORELAI: Such luxury I never dreamed of.
RORY: Where do you wanna sit?
LORELAI: I dont know. Um, how bout this table with its unobstructed westward view of the wide cosmopolitan expansive Klump Street?
RORY: Tempting. Do you know that on a clear day you can see all the way to the garbage cans behind Als Pancake World?
LORELAI: Hm. Or we could sit in the corner - you know, the Mafia table so that no one can come up behind you and whack you with a cannoli.
RORY: Whack you with a cannoli? Oh, because he left the gun and took the cannoli.
LORELAI: Youre so my daughter.
LUKE: Aye aye aye.
LORELAI: Hey, lets sit at the counter.
RORY: Nah, the counter, those are not the power seats.
LORELAI: Yes, but with no one here we can sit at either end and play bagel hockey.
RORY: Ooh, bagel hockey! Oh boy!
LUKE: Just sit at a table.
LORELAI: Oh, youre awfully rude for a guy who only has two paying customers.
RORY: Okay, 3:30 on Friday - my debate at Chilton. Write it down.
LORELAI: Already written.
LORELAI: Are you prepared?
RORY: Please. Paris has us beyond prepared. I now know more about doctor assisted suicide then I ever cared to.
LORELAI: Cheery topic
LUKE: Lukes. Uh huh. Hold on a second. [to Rory] Its for you.
RORY: But who knows were here?
LORELAI: This whole morning has been a little Twilight Zone-y.
LUKE: Or Outer Limits-y.
LUKE: Great show, just as eerie, same era, but no one ever references it.
LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't speak geek.
LUKE: Yup, stepped right in it.
RORY: Lane. How did you know I was here?
LANE: Telescope. I got a clean shot at Lukes. I saw you and your mom go in.
[Rory walks over to the window, stretching the phone cord across the diner]
LUKE: Hey, watch it.
LORELAI: Yeah, duck Harvey.
RORY: So I guess youre still grounded over that whole Henry thing, huh?
LANE: Are you kidding? Its the mother of all groundings. My moms done everything but slap a Dr. Dre ankle bracelet on me. Im not even going to school.
RORY: Isnt it illegal to keep a kid out of school?
LANE: Well, she talked all my teachers into allowing me to be home-schooled for two weeks. I believe the words highly contagious were batted about. I only get five minutes a day of outside phone time but unlimited time to call the Psalm a Day line. A big ripoff, by the way, because psalm 79 has been on there for three straight days. Thats not in keeping with what their name clearly implies, which is a new psalm per day, every day. Not the same tired one from the previous two days.
RORY: Ive never heard anyone get so riled up about psalms before.
LANE: My world has become very small. Okay, Im dying for news. Give me some headlines.
RORY: Oh, well, Ive got a debate coming up. And, um, Deans been working extra hours lately saving up for a new motorcycle, so I hardly see him. Mom and I havent done laundry in three weeks, but I have taken to jumping into the gigantic pile of dirty clothes while we play our Readers Digest Worlds Famous Polka CD that we got used for ninety-nine cents. Sorry if thats all boring.
LANE: Are you kidding? Its the most stimulation Ive got in a week.
MRS. KIM: Lane, come down for your snack!
LANE: Its tea and melba toast time, gotta go. Dont forget me in my solitude.
LANE: Bye. [hangs up]
RORY: Think fast.
[Rory tosses the phone to Luke, who catches it cleanly]
LORELAI: Whoa, impressive. Are you thinking what Im thinking?
LORELAI: Goalie for the bagel hockey team?
RORY: And bump Schmitty?
LORELAI: Schmittys over the hill, hes washed up, put him in Cooperstown. Suit up kid!
LUKE: Call me if anyone sane walks in.
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the living room couch watching TV]
RORY: Theres nothing on.
LORELAI: Theres always something on. Uh! Struck gold!
RORY: Not Two Fat Ladies again.
LORELAI: Why not? Theyre brilliant.
RORY: Because its a cooking show and you dont cook.
LORELAI: That might change.
RORY: Not a chance.
LORELAI: Probably not.
RORY: Plus, weve seen all of them like five times. Theyre all repeats.
LORELAI: Yeah, sadly because one of the fat ladies met her maker.
RORY: Really? Which one?
LORELAI: The fat one.
RORY: Come on, which one? The one on the motorcycle or the one in the sidecar?
LORELAI: See, its fun just talking about the Two Fat Ladies.
RORY: Can't we find some other really fat people to watch?
LORELAI: Wow, that sounded really insensitive.
[Rory answers the door]
PARIS: Can I come in?
RORY: I guess. So?
PARIS: You couldn't possibly be wondering what I'm doing here.
RORY: I couldn't?
PARIS: The debate's Friday and we need more preparation.
RORY: More preparation? Paris -- no two people know more about assisted suicide than the two of us. Kevorkian called today for a couple of tips.
PARIS: I know we know the material but theres issues of presentation that need to be addressed.
PARIS: I was listening to the CD I burned of the cassettes I made of our mock debates against the make-believe team and I realized that you were not talking fast enough.
PARIS: You're only doing 135 wpm.
PARIS: Words per minute.
RORY: Of course.
PARIS: That's slow.
RORY: That's not slow.
PARIS: It's Jimmy Bob slow.
RORY: I talk normally.
PARIS: For the average Willie Nelson roadie, yes, but not for a winning debate team member. As a comparison, I speak an average of 178 wpm.
RORY: Okay, word speed isn't everything. Sometimes I will add a dramatic pause to prove a point, undercutting my wpm.
PARIS: Let's not harbor any Pinteresque fantasies here, Rory. We'll have scant minutes to make our arguments and we have to maximize our collective wpm.
RORY: Okay, okay. Let's just get going.
LORELAI: Hey Paris. Were we expecting you?
PARIS: You shouldve been. Im going to get set up. [walks to Rorys room]
RORY: Were going to my room to work on my wpm.
LORELAI: Do I wanna know?
[Rory walks towards her room as the phone rings]
LORELAI: Ill get it! Hello?
CHRISTOPHER: Hey Lor, its Chris.
LORELAI: Hey you, hows it going?
CHRISTOPHER: Good, good. Im on a little business trip here and I thought Id call and check in on Rory.
LORELAI: Oh, she went to some biker party a few days ago and never came back.
LORELAI: Yeah, we gotta start disciplining that girl.
CHRISTOPHER: Hey, whos got the time?
LORELAI: Actually, shes right here. Ill pass you to her. So whered this business trip take you?
CHRISTOPHER: Your neck of the woods, actually. Im in the Litchfield area.
LORELAI: Really? How long?
CHRISTOPHER: I dont know, a couple of days, or for as long as it takes for them to succumb to my infinite charms.
LORELAI: Well, if youre still here on Friday, you should come on down and see Rory in a debate at Chilton.
LORELAI: Yeah. It starts at 3:30 and its first come, first serve. Theyre expecting like 20,000 people so Id get there early.
CHRISTOPHER: Wow, Chilton up close, huh?
LORELAI: Yeah, its your chance to see the famous Paris in action. There might even be casualties.
CHRISTOPHER: Okay, tell Rory Ill be there.
CHRISTOPHER: Why not?
LORELAI: Aw, shell be excited. Here, tell her yourself.
CHRISTOPHER: Pass me on.
[Lorelai stands at the doorway to Rorys bedroom]
PARIS: Dairys bad too because of the mucous. You havent had any dairy in the last forty-eight hours, have you?
RORY: In my cereal this morning.
PARIS: Geez! Okay, well theres a solution of salt water and vinegar that can help cut that.
LORELAI: Girls, Im sorry to interrupt vinegar hour, but its your dad.
RORY: [takes phone and walks away] Dad, hi.
PARIS: Did you give her the cereal?
LORELAI: Um, Id rather not say.
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[In the center of town, Rory walks down the sidewalk as a pay phone rings. She answers it]
LANE: Its me.
RORY: Lane, this is flat out stalking.
LANE: Look, I dont have much time. Ive already used up my five minutes of phone time so this is totally illicit, but I have to talk to you. Theres a new Belle and Sebastian single coming out today.
RORY: I know.
LANE: I have to have it.
RORY: Okay, well -.
LANE: No, I mean I have to have it.
RORY: I dont know if I have time to pick it up.
LANE: What? Rory, do you wanna hear how I used up my five minutes of phone time today? Talking to Amazon.com trying to get them to overnight it to me in a plain package with a return address referencing something Korean and religious.
RORY: They wouldnt do it, huh?
LANE: I think they notified the government.
RORY: Cant you just wait for your grounding to be over?
LANE: Hey, I am a fanatic audiophile. That comes with responsibilities that a grounding doesnt alter. Now, I have to have this single and you have to figure out how to get it to me.
RORY: Okay, okay, Ill do my best.
LANE: Thank you, I have to go. Oh, and hey.
LANE: Youve got something in your teeth.
RORY: Stop that.
CUT TO CHILTON
[Before the debate starts, Lorelai and Sookie enter the auditorium looking for Rory]
LORELAI: Hey, there you are. Where were you?
RORY: Oh, hi.
LORELAI: I thought we were gonna meet by the vending machines for a little, uh, pre-debate nondairy snack.
RORY: Yeah, sorry, Paris wanted to do a sound check and she found some problems with the acoustics in the room.
PARIS: Its the layout on this row of seats thats causing a bass problem. Weve got to move this whole row over a foot. Esta! Just move these people out. Mueva esta gente, mueva, mueva!
RORY: Better find a seat before she moves them all.
LORELAI: Have fun.
RORY: Thanks. Im glad you came.
SOOKIE: No youre not!
SOOKIE: Im just getting you in the mood.
[Rory walks away as Lorelai and Sookie sit down]
LORELAI: So do you see Christopher anywhere?
SOOKIE: [looks around] Uh, well, no, no, no. Hey, what does he look like?
LORELAI: If you dont know, why are you looking?
SOOKIE: Im looking for a guy that looks like a guy that you could be with, only Im deducting seventeen years off his age and Im adding an all-boys private school uniform and a Yankees cap.
LORELAI: And does your head hurt?
MRS. OMALLEY: If everybody could please take their seats, well begin. That includes all the members of the debate team.
[Rory takes her seat on stage. She sees Brad sitting across from her]
RORY: Brad, hi.
BRAD: Hi Rory. I didnt think youd remember me.
RORY: Oh, of course I do. Hows the new school?
BRAD: I love it. Its way more mellow there and I made a ton of new friends.
RORY: Good for you.
PARIS: Well, Brad.
PARIS: Guess were going mono a mono today, huh?
BRAD: Oh God.
MRS. OMALLEY: All right, the topic for todays debate is doctor-assisted suicide.
SOOKIE: Thats pleasant.
MRS: OMALLEY: Let me introduce the debaters. On the Hillside Academy team, we have Brad Lankford and Nancy Waterford.
NANCY: You look sick.
BRAD: I feel sick.
MRS. OMALLEY: And on the Chilton team, we have Rory Gilmore and Paris Gellar.
[Sookie and Lorelai cheer loudly]
[Everyone else is silent]
SOOKIE: Were we not supposed to do that?
LORELAI: Maybe no one noticed.
MRS. OMALLEY: Each team will have three minutes for their openings, three minutes for rebuttals, and two minutes for their conclusions. They will be judged on the basis of content, strategy, and style. I will be the judge, along with Mrs. Gladstone.
PARIS: Mrs. OMalley is impregnable but yesterday I complemented Mrs. Gladstones dumpy outfit and bought her an ice cream sandwich and she practically licked my hand in gratitude.
RORY: Nice going.
MRS. OMALLEY: We choose which team will take the pro or con side with the toss of a coin. A member of Hillside will make the call.
BRAD: Heads. No, tails, I mean tails!
MRS. OMALLEY: Uh, its heads. Chilton will pick pro or con.
PARIS: Pro assisted suicide.
BRAD: What a shock.
MRS. OMALLEY: All right. Whenever youre ready, you may commence.
PARIS: Thank you. [to Rory] Keep it snappy.
[Rory walks to the podium]
RORY: There are many vantage points from which to consider doctor assisted suicide. Serious consideration draws from ethics, law, medical practices, philosophy, psychology, public policy and religion, all topics I plan to explore in the next two minutes and forty-six seconds.
LORELAI: Geez, look at that kid, hes shaking.
SOOKIE: Ooh, and pale.
LORELAI: He looks all white and tiny.
RORY: ... provides either information or the actual means, such as medication or other supplies to a person who wishes to terminate his or her own life. The patient must then initiate the process. The goal is euthanasia, a term with its roots in ancient Greek. . .
[As Rory speaks in the background, Lorelai turns around and sees Christopher in the hallway. A few seconds later, Sherry joins him.]
CUT TO LATER IN THE DEBATE
PARIS: And referencing their last point, which erroneously cited South Carolina as a state that has neither a statute nor common law which prohibits assisted suicide when we know that North Carolina is the proper citation, their subsequent argument falls short of even a level of speciousness due to the fact that it doesnt even have a ring of factual truth, let alone a substance. And after all, the absence of prohibition against assisted suicide is a far cry from a statute that actually legitimizes the practice, a state of affairs that exists only in Oregon, sadly enough, under the 1977 Death Without Dignity Act.
[While Paris is speaking, Sookie tries to subtly look at Sherry, whos sitting towards the back of the audience]
LORELAI: Hey, circus lady, whats with the contortions?
SOOKIE: Im trying to sneak a peak at the girl Christophers with.
LORELAI: But you see, the entire concept behind the word sneak is not having people notice you, and what youre doing is shouting notice me.
SOOKIE: Tell me youre not curious.
LORELAI: Im not curious.
SOOKIE: You are too.
LORELAI: Well meet her in a matter of minutes. Now, come on, watch the tiny shaking boy get shorter.
MRS. OMALLEY: Two minutes for conclusion.
[Lorelai purposely drops her tissue.]
LORELAI: Ooh. [She leans over to pick it up while glancing back at Sherry]
SOOKIE: You sneak a little peak?
PARIS: Professor Bomar of Willamette University of Law has prepared a lengthy summary that Id like to use in my remaining time.
MRS. OMALLEY: Time.
MRS. OMALLEY: Thats it, times up.
PARIS: Oh, but if I could just have a few seconds to rebut their charge of the cruelty of the act.
BRAD: We take it back!
PARIS: You cant take it back, its a debate.
MRS. OMALLEY: Okay, thats enough cruelty for one day, Paris. Your team has won. Congratulations.
PARIS: Really? Thank you. Thank you very much. [walks over to opposing team] You put up a good fight. Better luck next time.
RORY: You okay?
BRAD: Im sweating. Im completely soaked through. And I think Im catching a cold.
RORY: Do you need a hug? Or a towel?
BRAD: No, thanks. I think Im just gonna sit here quietly.
[cut to Lorelai and Sookie standing near the doorway]
SOOKIE: Uh! There they are.
LORELAI: I see them. What do you think?
SOOKIE: She's got good hair.
SOOKIE: Plus she's been sitting for an hour and her dress is perfect. Not a wrinkle? How does she do that?
LORELAI: She must be a witch.
SOOKIE: And she's doing that no-hose thing.
LORELAI: Yeah. She's a chic, good hair, wrinkle-free, no-hose-wearing witch.
SOOKIE: You ready?
[they walk towards Christopher and Sherry]
LORELAI: Hi there, you two.
CHRISTOPHER: Hey Lorelai. You guys get to meet at last. This is. . .
SHERRY: Nice to finally meet you.
LORELAI: Yeah, I recognized you from your Christmas card.
CHRISTOPHER: Which Im sure you mocked mercilessly.
LORELAI: Did not. Others, yes, but not yours. You guys were cute, and the puppy was cute. [Sookie clears her throat] Hey, this is Sookie.
SHERRY: Nice to meet you.
SOOKIE: Nice to meet you. You have a very smooth dress.
SHERRY: Oh, well thank you. Its the fabric.
SOOKIE: The fabric. Uh huh.
LORELAI: Hm. Uh, Chris, Ive told you about Sookie.
CHRISTOPHER: Yes you have, the famous Sookie.
SOOKIE: The famous Christopher.
CHRISTOPHER: I hear youre the greatest chef after Alan Ducass.
SOOKIE: After Alan Ducass? Who who said after?
RORY: Hi Dad! You came.
CHRISTOPHER: Of course I did.
RORY: Sorry, Im still getting used to it. Im glad.
LORELAI: Honey, um, look who Dad brought.
CHRISTOPHER: This is Sherry. Sherry, this is Rory.
SHERRY: Oh, finally, finally, finally. I am so beyond thrilled, I cant tell you. All he does is talk about you. I couldnt wait to meet this amazing person.
LORELAI: Well, she lives up to the hype, let me tell ya.
RORY: Is my face turning red?
LORELAI: Oh yeah, beet red.
SHERRY: Oh, Im sorry. I put you on the spot. Ive just been really looking forward to this.
RORY: No, no, its okay.
LORELAI: Um, will you excuse us for a minute? Rory just wanted to show me something around the corner here and well be right back.
CHRISTOPHER: So Rory was great, huh?
SOOKIE: Brilliant. So, who said I was after Alan Ducass?
[Lorelai and Rory walk down the hall and into the auditorium]
RORY: He brought Sherry.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: This is a little. . .
RORY: Did you talk to her? Is she nice?
LORELAI: Shes a witch.
RORY: Oh, good.
LORELAI: So, what do we do?
RORY: What do you mean?
LORELAI: Come on, come on, come on. We gotta put on our hostessing hats and set a game plan here.
RORY: Oh yeah, I guess it would be impolite if we didnt ask them to hang out with us.
LORELAI: So what do we do? Hit the vending machines?
RORY: Invite them to Lukes?
LORELAI: Does she look like a diner chick to you?
RORY: Probably not.
LORELAI: I wish he had told me she was with him.
RORY: Where else can we invite them?
LORELAI: Als Pancake World.
RORY: No, its Friday. He does his prefix menu on Fridays.
LORELAI: Ugh. Well, theres always our house.
RORY: Its a mess.
LORELAI: Might be the safest?
LORELAI: Why didnt he mention that she was with him?
RORY: I dont know.
[they walk back towards them]
CHRISTOPHER: Its really just more of an impression than something I probably actually heard.
SOOKIE: But maybe someone implied that I was after him?
LORELAI: Oh, Sookie?
LORELAI: You know what, you are the greatest chef in the world, bar none.
SOOKIE: Uh, thanks.
LORELAI: So, um, are you guys doing anything now?
CHRISTOPHER: Not really.
SHERRY: No, were pretty free for the rest of the day.
LORELAI: Well, why dont you come back and see our place?
SHERRY: Oh, that would be great.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, Sherry would love that. Thanks Lor.
SHERRY: I was hoping wed get a chance to see where Rory lives and her room.
RORY: Oh, my rooms really no big deal.
SHERRY: Oh, and the books. Ive heard all about the books. I cant wait to see the books.
LORELAI: Well, lets go and see the books.
[They start walking down the hall as Paris walks over]
PARIS: Rory! So, great job. We pretty much wiped the floor with them.
RORY: Yeah, we turned them into cleaning products, definitely.
PARIS: Listen, the verbatim transcripts of the debate will be ready in about a half hour. I thought we could wait for them and sit and talk about what we did right, what we did wrong, compare wpms.
RORY: Well, Im actually heading with my group back to our house, so I really cant.
PARIS: Oh. Okay, whatever. If you dont want to celebrate with me, thats just fine.
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Lorelai and Rory rush through the front door]
LORELAI: You get the living room, Ill get the kitchen!
RORY: What about the upstairs?
LORELAI: Ill body block the fool who tries to go upstairs.
RORY: Company is stressful.
LORELAI: Ugh, dont forget about your room!
LORELAI: Your room! She wants to see the books!
RORY: Well, Ill hit it next.
LORELAI: Ugh, theyre probably gonna want something to eat and drink.
RORY: Well, company usually does.
LORELAI: We have nothing.
RORY: We must have something.
LORELAI: Not unless Divine Providence has placed a miracle brie and cracker plate in the fridge.
RORY: We have leftover Halloween candy.
LORELAI: Aw, waste that on company?
RORY: Well, having company is about making sacrifices.
LORELAI: Martha Stewart?
RORY: I paraphrased Proust.
LORELAI: I shouldve known. Fine. Presentation is everything.
CHRISTOPHER: [calls from front door] Hello?
RORY: Hi Dad!
CHRISTOPHER: You guys need some more time to clean up?
LORELAI: He knows us too well.
RORY: Come on in. Howd you know we were cleaning?
CHRISTOPHER: Uh, well, when you cut us off in the parking lot and sped off doing sixty, I figured you were trying to beat us home for a reason.
SHERRY: I hope were not completely ruining your day.
LORELAI: Oh no, we love company. Please come in.
SHERRY: Your house is great.
LORELAI: Thanks, we like it. Have a seat.
[they all sit down in the living room]
SHERRY: Rory, you were wonderful in the debate today.
CHRISTOPHER: Uh, that Paris was a little intense.
LORELAI: Ha, a little? The opposing team could bring her up on war crimes.
RORY: Yeah, her approach will come in handy when she becomes a CEO or a dictator of a country or something.
SHERRY: Mm hmm. Well, you were very poised up there, very sure of yourself, just like your dad.
CHRISTOPHER: And your mom.
LORELAI: Aw shucks, Pa.
SHERRY: And your uniform is darling, really. I love the blue. Of course, Im sure you look good in anything.
LORELAI: Oh yeah, you should see her in chaps.
RORY: No, that was just my mom being funny.
LORELAI: Yeah, it comes and goes. Youll learn to notice the signs.
CHRISTOPHER: The waves get really still, the animals start to act funny.
SHERRY: You know, I went to private school too.
SHERRY: Except that our colors were white and bright red. I looked hideous.
CHRISTOPHER: Oh, shes being self-deprecating. You looked cute in that outfit.
SHERRY: No no, I looked like a peppermint stick. I swear, thats where my addiction to clothes comes from. Trying to make up for all the years of having to wear the same thing everyday.
RORY: Yeah, I can understand that.
SHERRY: Well, we should go shopping sometime for clothes or whatever.
RORY: Yeah, we could do that.
SHERRY: Soon, okay?
LORELAI: Hey, drinks. Who wants something to drink? Ive got water, soda. . .
CHRISTOPHER: Uh, just water for me
SHERRY: Me too.
LORELAI: Oh, making it easy, I love it.
SHERRY: Ill help you.
LORELAI: Oh, no, uh, well, okay. Sherry, you dont have to help me.
SHERRY: No, I want to.
[Lorelai and Sherry walk into the kitchen]
LORELAI: So, uh, do you want flat water or sparkling? I hope its flat because I dont have sparkling. Or flat. Or ice cubes. I have cups, I think.
SHERRY: Its a little awkward, isnt it?
SHERRY: Us, you and me, our being here.
LORELAI: Aw, no, not really.
SHERRY: But kind of, right?
LORELAI: Well, were just not used to having company.
SHERRY: I mean, you and Christopher were so close. I know it was years ago but these things are never simple.
LORELAI: Well, just in general, things like this are always awkward slightly, but only slightly. [opens fridge] Agh, look. Apple juice - with a perfectly respectable expiration date.
SHERRY: Look, I just want you to know that you should not feel like you need to get to know me.
SHERRY: At all.
SHERRY: I mean, just because Christopher and I are close doesnt mean that we need to be close, or friends or anything for that matter.
LORELAI: No, I guess not.
SHERRY: I mean, except for our unexpected visit, we may never have even met.
LORELAI: I think we probably wouldve met eventually.
SHERRY: Perhaps, at some function or other.
LORELAI: Yeah - you, me, Martin Sheen all chained to the same tree.
SHERRY: But I do desperately wanna get to know Rory.
LORELAI: Well sure, shes a great kid.
SHERRY: And thats okay with you?
LORELAI: Yeah, thats fine.
SHERRY: Oh, Im so glad to hear that. Because things are kind of speeding up between me and Christopher and
SHERRY: Rory is so important to him.
LORELAI: Yeah, I know, she is.
SHERRY: And he told me about how he wasnt really a presence in her life for years and how hed like to make up for all that time that he wasted.
LORELAI: Well, hes been doing really well lately.
SHERRY: I know. He is obsessive about his call dates to her. I mean, it doesnt matter where we are or what were doing, hes gotta call Rory Wednesday nights at seven oclock. I like that about him.
LORELAI: Yeah, me too.
SHERRY: And he really wants me to bond with her too. Its important with everything we have coming.
LORELAI: I totally understand.
SHERRY: Good, Im glad.
SHERRY: So what are the chances of Rory and I getting together on this trip?
LORELAI: This trip?
SHERRY: How about tonight?
SHERRY: Rory seemed up for it.
LORELAI: Tonight huh? Well, uh, its kind of last minute and were supposed to go somewhere.
SHERRY: The Friday night dinner with your parents.
LORELAI: You know about those?
SHERRY: All about them, but Christopher said that you can get her out of them if theres a pressing need.
LORELAI: Well, thats true to a certain extent but - .
SHERRY: Well this is pressing. I am so forcing myself here its embarrassing, but thats how important it is. I mean, who knows when this opportunitys gonna present itself again, right?
LORELAI: Well, um, sure. Youll have to ask Rory but if its okay with her, its okay with me.
SHERRY: You know, youre as great as Christopher said you were.
LORELAI: Well, hes an excellent judge of character.
SHERRY: Okay, Ill see you back out there? Okay.
[Sherry brings two of the glasses into the living room]
CHRISTOPHER: Everything okay?
SHERRY: Yup, she found apple juice.
LORELAI: [from kitchen] Hey Rory, can you get that!
RORY: Let the machine pick it up.
LORELAI: No, it could be important.
RORY: Okay. [answers phone] Hello?
LORELAI: Hi, its me.
RORY: Oh, hi.
LORELAI: Im still in the kitchen. Um, listen, I just wanted to tell you that Sherry just asked me if she could go out with you tonight just the two of you, and she sort of trapped me into saying that I could get you out of the Friday night dinner, which she knew all about. But I told her she had to run it past you first, so I can still get you out of it. Although, it might be a good idea to get a Sherry night out of the way because it seems kind of inevitable. So if youre okay going with her, just say, um, Sorry Leonard, weve got company, I have to call you back.
RORY: Sorry Leonard, weve got company, Ill have to call you back.
LORELAI: Oh, okay. Bye. [walks into the living room] Okay, heres your drink. Who was that?
RORY: Um, that was Leonard.
LORELAI: Oh, did you tell him we have company?
CHRISTOPHER: Uh, whos Leonard?
RORY: Oh, just a friend.
CHRISTOPHER: A friend of yours or a friend of Lorelais?
LORELAI: A mutual friend.
RORY: Yeah, its pretty much equal.
CHRISTOPHER: A mutual Leonard?
LORELAI: Yeah, were constantly fighting over him.
SHERRY: Rory, can I run something by you?
RORY: Oh sure.
SHERRY: Your dad and I are around for another night, and hes totally sick of me.
CHRISTOPHER: Not true.
SHERRY: Anyhow, I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me tonight, just the two of us.
RORY: Oh, sure, that would be nice.
RORY: Yeah. I mean, um, if its okay with my mom because we do have a Grandma/Grandpa dinner tonight.
LORELAI: Its fine by me.
SHERRY: Great. Oh, of course this does leave you a sad little orphan.
CHRISTOPHER: Oh, thats okay. Ill have one of my patented White Castle bachelor dinners.
LORELAI: Or you can come with me tonight. Uh, if you want.
CHRISTOPHER: To your parents?
LORELAI: Yeah, cause with Rory not there I might need a hostage.
SHERRY: Oh, yes, do it.
CHRISTOPHER: Okay, its good grub. You sure they wont be mad?
LORELAI: Hi, they like you.
SHERRY: Great. Well, we should go get cleaned up for tonight then. Thanks for having us over like this.
LORELAI: Any time.
SHERRY: So well swing by around six?
RORY: Oh, sounds good.
CHRISTOPHER: Bye sweetie.
RORY: Bye Dad.
CHRISTOPHER: Bye Leonard.
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Later that night, Rory is in the living room as Lorelai walks down the stairs]
LORELAI: Honey, hurry, they said six.
RORY: Yeah but its six Dad time so its more like six-thirty.
LORELAI: But Dad time is now linked to Sherry time and that Sherry seems awfully punctual.
RORY: That is so annoying.
LORELAI: We have to learn to live with each others deficiencies.
RORY: Ill get it.
LORELAI: Oh, if its Leonard, tell him Ill call him back.
RORY: Hes so needy. [answers phone] Hello?
LANE: Humongous snag in the CD drop plan.
RORY: What happened?
LANE: Bible class has been moved an hour later, all to accommodate the reverends handball schedule.
RORY: The reverend plays handball?
LANE: Im just as appalled. So its at ten instead of nine.
RORY: Okay, Ill make the necessary adjustments.
LANE: Thank you, thank you, thank you. So, anything new?
RORY: My dad brought his girlfriend to my debate.
LANE: The potential stepmom? Oh my God. Tell me what shes like, whatd she say and tell me in like eleven seconds cause its all the phone time I have left.
RORY: Thats too much pressure!
LANE: Well, then write a long descriptive letter about it all and slip it into the CD booklet. Oh, and try to include a candid Polaroid of her if you can.
RORY: Ill try.
LANE: Gotta go.
RORY: Bye. [hangs up]
CHRISTOPHER: Hey, can we come in?
LORELAI: Yeah, come on in. Hey.
SHERRY: You look great.
LORELAI: Oh, thanks, you too.
SHERRY: Hi there, you ready to go?
RORY: All set.
SHERRY: Okay, so we wont be too late, probably around ten.
LORELAI: Okay, well, if you wanna grab a drink after the movie, Rorys got the list of places that serve minors.
RORY: Nah, I got a flask in my purse.
SHERRY: Okay, Im gonna have to drink a lot of coffee to keep up with you two.
LORELAI: Damn, our secrets been revealed.
SHERRY: Bye love.
CHRISTOPHER: Have fun
LORELAI: Bye Sweets.
[Rory and Sherry leave]
CHRISTOPHER: There they go.
LORELAI: Yeah, there they go.
CHRISTOPHER: Sherrys really excited about this. Its such a great opportunity Lor. Thanks for making it happen.
LORELAI: Thats what Im here for. Let me just get my coat and we can go.
LORELAI: Can I just ask you a quick question?
CHRISTOPHER: Sure, what?
LORELAI: When I invited you to Rorys debate, was Sherry with you?
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, of course. Shes been with me the whole trip. Why?
LORELAI: Its just that you gave me no indication that she was with you.
CHRISTOPHER: What? I must have.
LORELAI: Nope, singular pronouns all the way.
CHRISTOPHER: I actually dont remember what I said.
LORELAI: I do. You said, Ill be there, as in just you.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, I may have said that but I wasnt making a point of saying that. It just came out that way.
LORELAI: Okay, whatever, I was just wondering.
CHRISTOPHER: Its okay that I brought Sherry along, isnt it?
LORELAI: Absolutely. It was just a surprise, thats all.
LORELAI: So you werent trying to hide the fact?
CHRISTOPHER: No. I mean, obviously you were gonna find out she was with me once we arrived.
CHRISTOPHER: Okay then.
CHRISTOPHER: So what do you think of her?
LORELAI: Oh, I dont know her well enough to judge.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, thats never stopped you from judging people before.
LORELAI: Hey buddy, Im trying to grow here.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, if it helps, she was saying really nice things about you.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. She said you guys had a really nice talk in the kitchen.
LORELAI: Well, if thats what she said, then I guess we did.
CHRISTOPHER: Lorelai, come on.
CHRISTOPHER: Youre being very cryptic. Did something happen between you two?
LORELAI: No, I just. . .I thought our conversation in the kitchen was a little odd.
CHRISTOPHER: And this is being less cryptic?
LORELAI: Its just that she went on and on about how we never have to be friends or get to know each other at all or try to force any kind of relationship.
CHRISTOPHER: Really? She never mentioned that part. Huh.
LORELAI: So how come she figures she never has to see me?
CHRISTOPHER: Well, Im sure she was trying to make you feel at ease around her. Because its true, you guys dont have to force anything.
LORELAI: Uh huh. Whered she get this dont force it philosophy?
CHRISTOPHER: Not from me.
LORELAI: You sure?
CHRISTOPHER: Yes, Im sure.
LORELAI: So she just wants to get to know Rory, not me.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, I did steer her toward bonding with Rory, Ill admit that.
LORELAI: But not with me.
CHRISTOPHER: Rorys my daughter Lorelai, Sherry has to get to know her.
LORELAI: I know.
CHRISTOPHER: I wasnt purposely omitting you or telling her not to interact with you.
LORELAI: Oh good, so youre not having me killed or anything like that?
CHRISTOPHER: No. In fact, I was just going over my people to kill list and I dont think you were on it.
LORELAI: Because by the very fact that Rory exists, I am in the picture.
CHRISTOPHER: You can back off Lorelai. Youll be in Sherrys life.
CHRISTOPHER: Not that you thought to do the same thing when you were in my shoes.
LORELAI: What? What are you talking about?
CHRISTOPHER: You have a fiancé, I believe.
LORELAI: Yes, Max.
CHRISTOPHER: Right, Max.
LORELAI: That was not the same thing.
CHRISTOPHER: Really? Max knew Rory, Max got close to Rory, right?
CHRISTOPHER: Well, he and I never met. I didnt even know he existed until late in the game. Hell, I didnt even know you were engaged until you called me from your bachelorette party. And I wasnt invited to the wedding or did my invitation get lost in the mail?
LORELAI: Well, youve moved a lot this past year.
CHRISTOPHER: I was never part of that equation.
LORELAI: Okay, maybe. But trust me, you wouldve been part of the equation eventually. Really Chris, you would have.
CHRISTOPHER: Well then, trust me Lorelai, eventually you wouldve been part of this one.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Doorbell rings, Emily answers it.]
CHRISTOPHER: Hello Emily.
EMILY: Well, this is a surprise. Wheres Rory?
LORELAI: Uh, a last minute unexpected thing came up, but I brought a good substitute half her genes in a nice nifty Christopher package.
EMILY: Well, were letting the freezing air get in. Come in, come in. Is she sick? There are terrible things making the rounds these days.
[they walk to the living room]
LORELAI: No, shes not sick. Hi Dad.
RICHARD: Hello Lorelai. Christopher, this is a surprise!
CHRISTOPHER: A nice one, I hope.
RICHARD: A very nice one.
CHRISTOPHER: How are you Richard?
RICHARD: Youre looking well.
CHRISTOPHER: So are you. You playing a lot of golf lately?
RICHARD: Ah, well, more like its playing me. Oh, lets not stand here. Come into the living room. Now, who wants a drink? Uh, martini, Manhattan, some scotch?
LORELAI: Yes please.
RICHARD: Uh, you wanna narrow that down for me?
LORELAI: Hooch is hooch Dad.
CHRISTOPHER: Ill have a Manhattan.
EMILY: Same here.
EMILY: So you never said where Rory is.
RICHARD: Rorys not here?
EMILY: Richard, you didnt even notice your own granddaughter isnt here?
RICHARD: Well, shes so quiet she sometimes slips in unnoticed. She should work for the CIA. Uh, one cherry good for everybody?
CHRISTOPHER: Fine with me.
EMILY: Me too.
LORELAI: Eight please. Im peckish.
EMILY: Well, I noticed that Rory isnt here.
LORELAI: Well youve got that eagle eye, Mom.
CHRISTOPHER: Im afraid its my fault Emily. My girlfriend and I were passing through town and we dropped by Stars Hollow for a visit, and she and Rory are off doing something together.
EMILY: You have a girlfriend?
EMILY: And she and Rory are out together?
LORELAI: Im sorry. I shouldve called, Mom.
EMILY: Well, that wouldve been thoughtful. I mean, we set a place for her at the table and everything.
LORELAI: Well, Chris is here so it wont go to waste.
CHRISTOPHER: Although normally I demand my own customized place setting.
EMILY: So how long have you been with this woman?
CHRISTOPHER: Eight months.
RICHARD: Mm, I bet shes pretty.
LORELAI: Yes, shes very pretty.
RICHARD: Uh, something in your eye Lorelai?
LORELAI: I got it.
EMILY: Youve met this woman?
LORELAI: Yes, Mom, I met this woman today and shes very nice.
RICHARD: Uh, what does she do? Does she work?
CHRISTOPHER: Uh, shes the East Coast sales rep for Loreal Cosmetics.
RICHARD: Hm, that sounds like a lot of responsibility.
CHRISTOPHER: Keeps her busy, involves some travel.
EMILY: What are they doing?
EMILY: Rory and Christophers friend what are they doing tonight?
LORELAI: Dinner and a movie, something like that. Its my fault that we didnt call.
RICHARD: You work has you traveling too, I hear.
RICHARD: Everyone thinks that traveling on business is so glamorous but what they dont realize is that the business traveler never gets to see the places he visits. My last trip to Rome, I spent the whole four days in a conference room by the airport. I might as well have been in French Lick, Indiana.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, my trips are mostly local, just me and my Volvo.
EMILY: You have a Volvo?
RICHARD: Thats new, isnt it?
CHRISTOPHER: I just got it.
RICHARD: Excellent choice. Its nice and safe. Thats a good family car.
LORELAI: Its also excellent for cranking Metallica.
RICHARD: Cranking Metallica?
LORELAI: Mm hmm.
RICHARD: If thats some sort of drug reference, it isnt funny.
EMILY: So youre planning on having a family?
EMILY: With this woman?
LORELAI: Her names Sherry, Mom, and youre really putting Chris on the spot here.
EMILY: Well, he bought a family car, its a natural question.
LORELAI: Dad called it a family car. Im sure theres nothing in the sales contract that says you have to have a family in order to buy the car.
CHRISTOPHER: Although I didnt read all the fine print.
EMILY: You always drove a motorcycle before, didnt you?
CHRISTOPHER: I still got it.
RICHARD: Oh, oh, a family man shouldnt drive a motorcycle. The accidents I covered for the firm involving motorcycles the worst, grisly. They use this industrial machine to scrape the victims off the road like a huge spatula.
LORELAI: Hey, mouthful of cherries here.
EMILY: So are you living together?
LORELAI: Mom, get out the interrogation lamp, why dont you.
CHRISTOPHER: Its okay. Yeah, but were looking for something bigger in the Boston area.
RICHARD: There are a lot of nice historical places up there.
CHRISTOPHER: Something historical in our price range would be perfect.
EMILY: You know historical homes are infested with mold, dont you?
EMILY: It gets inside the walls and grows out of sight and shoots off spores that slowly kill you and your family.
LORELAI: You should get a show on the Home and Garden channel, Mom.
RICHARD: When did you become an expert on mold, Emily?
EMILY: It was in the New York Times Magazine. Id hold off buying a place with this woman until you look into this.
LORELAI: Sherry, Sherry.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, its actually gonna come down to whatever we can afford. It might just be a newly built place.
EMILY: With their shoddy craftsmanship? Oh, you dont want that.
LORELAI: What does that leave them with, Mom a teepee?
EMILY: Im sorry. I just dont think that Rory should miss our dinners for something other than sickness or emergencies. That was the agreement.
CHRISTOPHER: Im sorry Emily, really.
LORELAI: Mom, Chris has apologized like a hundred times. How many more times do you wanna hear it?
CHRISTOPHER: Listen, I can call Sherry and have her and Rory come by after their movie, that way it wont be a totally Rory-less evening.
EMILY: Thats not what I want.
LORELAI: Mom, were desperately trying to work with you here.
EMILY: Working with me is one thing, patronizing me is another. Excuse me. [leaves]
CHRISTOPHER: I feel horrible.
RICHARD: Oh, dont son. Thats just Emily.
LORELAI: Ill go see what I can do.
CUT TO KITCHEN
[Lorelai walks in as Emily pours herself a drink]
LORELAI: You wanna tell me whats going on here?
EMILY: How can you let that horrible woman take Rory like that?
LORELAI: Okay Mom, calm down. Its only one night.
EMILY: Thats how it starts. Shes just getting her claws into her.
LORELAI: Her claws?
EMILY: Well never see Rory again if that woman has her way.
LORELAI: Mom, hold it. Rory is my daughter, you know. I have some control over this.
EMILY: Shes not getting Rory on weekends, you cant let that happen.
LORELAI: What is this about Mom? Why are you so flipped out?
EMILY: Lorelai, are you blind or just that humiliated?
EMILY: Christopher gets his life together with that woman.
LORELAI: So, thats good.
EMILY: It shouldve been you!
EMILY: Dont play dumb, Lorelai. You know it too, and deep down I know youre heartbroken.
LORELAI: Im not heartbroken.
EMILY: Well, I am.
EMILY: I always had the picture in my mind of the three of you together. After all these years and after all the bad things that happened, Rory with both her parents. And now that Christophers got his life together, its with her and not you.
LORELAI: Mom, the timing was never right for us.
EMILY: Thats because you dawdled time away. You couldve had that affect on him. You couldve been the person to help him get his life together, but you made no effort!
LORELAI: Oh, so now this comes down to something I didnt do? Dont put that on me Mother!
EMILY: What other explanation is there? Hes always been crazy about you but youve always kept him at arms length. You keep everyone at arms length.
LORELAI: Thats not true!
EMILY: It is true! Your destiny was to be with Christopher and now its too late!
LORELAI: Then it wasnt our destiny!
EMILY: So youre saying that you dont have feelings for him Lorelai, that all of this is just fine with you?
LORELAI: Thats not important.
EMILY: Its not?
LORELAI: No. Whats important is that Christopher is doing well and hes happy and we should be happy for him.
EMILY: Youre impossible. I need to lie down. Tell Christopher tell him whatever you like, I dont care.
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[Lorelai walks through the door]
LUKE: You alone this morning?
LORELAI: No, Rorys with me. She just had to run an errand.
LUKE: Well, take whatever table you want.
LUKE: You okay?
LUKE: You dont seem your chipper self.
LORELAI: I brought some sparklers. Ill light them later and do some kicks.
LUKE: You know, if you want I can clear the counter and you can play some bagel hockey.
LORELAI: You cant play bagel hockey by yourself.
LUKE: Ill play with you. Youll have to explain the rules.
LORELAI: Its okay. Im just trying to recover from last night. It was one of those nights where you start off stepping in quicksand and end up with a sixteen-ton anvil landing on your head.
LUKE: Ive had plenty of those. Ill bring some coffee.
LORELAI: Cant hurt.
[Lorelai walks towards an empty table as Rory walks in]
RORY: You order?
LORELAI: Oh, just coffee. God, I mustve been sound asleep when you got home last night.
RORY: You were snoring like a buzz saw.
LORELAI: I believe thats defined as a superfluous comment.
RORY: Yes, you were sound asleep.
LORELAI: So, Im dying to hear about your night with Sherry. How was it? Give it to me, A to Z, beginning to end, soup to nuts.
RORY: Well, she is what she seems.
LORELAI: Details please.
RORY: Shes a very cautious driver. She doesnt roll through stop signs, doesnt speed, she always signals before she turns.
LORELAI: Hm. Commendable, but not the person I want driving our getaway car.
RORY: What are we robbing?
LORELAI: Sephora. We had it all planned out.
RORY: Slipped my mind.
LORELAI: Whats her music taste?
RORY: Big Bruce Springsteen fan. Seen him like twenty times.
LORELAI: Blue collar roots or is she just slumming?
RORY: Oh, her father owned a shoe store and her mom taught kindergarten.
LORELAI: Wow, you guys really got into some details.
RORY: She was definitely in bonding mode.
LORELAI: What else, what else?
RORY: Shes very touchy-feely. Hand on the shoulder, lots of hugs.
LORELAI: She didnt try to get fresh, did she?
LORELAI: Go on.
RORY: Um, shes had one prior serious relationship in her life.
LORELAI: Finally, the juicy stuff.
RORY: And it lasted eleven years.
LORELAI: Eleven years? And she never got married?
RORY: She said she never thought about it with her career and all, but now shes thinking about it more and more.
LORELAI: Tick tock, tick tock.
RORY: And the past couple of years she hasnt even dated anyone unless she thought that for sure it could be a lasting relationship, and shes got some specific goals now concerning children.
LORELAI: Oh, here we go.
RORY: She wants at least two, and before she met Dad she was seriously considering single parenthood.
LORELAI: Thats wanting kids.
RORY: Thats about it.
RORY: Oh, she works for Loreal.
LORELAI: Hm, I heard that.
RORY: Im tapped. How was your night?
LORELAI: Oh, well, fine. Just took Mom a whole five minutes before she self-combusted and left the room in tears.
LORELAI: She freaked out that you were with Sherry, can you believe that?
RORY: She freaked?
LORELAI: Totally. She kept calling her that woman.
RORY: Well, what did she think, that you were gonna come home and find a rabbit boiling on the stove?
LORELAI: No, it had to do with her and Christopher and . . . anyway, eventually she came down and had a pouty dinner.
RORY: So it ended up okay?
LORELAI: For the most part.
RORY: Is she mad at me?
LORELAI: No, the angel child, never.
LUKE: Here you go. [brings their coffee]
RORY: Thank you.
LORELAI: Thanks. So, um, I wanna ask you something.
LORELAI: When youve thought about me and your dad what have you been thinking all these years?
RORY: Um, what do you mean?
LORELAI: I mean, did you ever picture us potentially together, like we are family together?
RORY: Well, not really.
LORELAI: But sort of, it crossed your mind?
RORY: I feel like Im on the Ricki Lake show.
LORELAI: Go Rory, go Rory.
RORY: Well, Ill admit that I have pictured the three of us living together at various times, but in the way that all kids picture their estranged parents living together or the way they should be together, but its stupid.
LORELAI: Its not stupid.
RORY: Yeah, Ive pictured it.
RORY: But I also pictured you with Pee-Wee Herman.
RORY: Yeah. We lived in his playhouse and wed be talking to Chairy and Captain Carl would be walking by.
LORELAI: [laughs] Fun!
RORY: Yeah. Oh, and later I pictured you marrying Matthew Broderick, and we lived in New York in this great apartment in the village and we would talk about his Ferris Bueller days.
LORELAI: Just think how easy Producers tickets would be to get.
RORY: Oh, it would be fourth row center every night.
LORELAI: Im sorry that Matthew and I couldnt work it out, honey.
RORY: Ill try to get over it.
LORELAI: So should it have been me?
RORY: Huh? Oops, sorry! Zero hour I have to go. Ill be right back. [leaves]
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Rory stands by the gazebo and waits for Mrs. Kim and Lane to walk out of their house. When they do, Rory nods to Kirk, who walks up to them.]
KIRK: Excuse me Mrs. Kim, Im Kirk.
MRS. KIM: I know youre Kirk. Ive known you since you were two.
KIRK: Thats no guarantee that people remember me.
MRS. KIM: Were in a hurry.
KIRK: I wont take up much of your time. I was just wondering what your store hours are.
MRS. KIM: For people who come to buy things, come with cash, its ten to six, Sunday through Friday. For people who wander around, blocking aisles, touching things with dirty hands, never buying or asking for eighty percent off, were closed.
KIRK: I should jot this down. You said ten to six, thats ten a.m.?
MRS. KIM: Yes.
KIRK: Okay, got it, thanks for your time.
[While theyre talking, a hooded jogger runs by and slips a CD into the bag Lanes carrying. Mrs. Kim and Lane walk away. The jogger, Michel, runs over to Rory at the gazebo, out of breath.]
RORY: Oh my God. Michel, are you okay?
MICHEL: Ive been running around this stupid square for over an hour.
MICHEL: Why? Because the plan was to drop the CD at nine oclock.
RORY: No, it got changed to ten. I told my mom and she said shed pass it on. She didnt pass it on, did she?
MICHEL: Definitely not.
RORY: Oh, well the mission was a success.
MICHEL: Yes, my cardiologist will be thrilled. Ah! Ive got a cramp, Ive got a cramp!
RORY: Can I do anything for you?
MICHEL: Ah, get away from me evil girl!
RORY: But -.
MICHEL: Never will I do anything for you again, ever, ever, never!
RORY: Well if it makes you feel any better, you had really good form.
MICHEL: You are your mothers child.
RORY: Thank you!
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[Lorelai sits at her table as Christopher and Sherry walk in]
LORELAI: Hey you guys.
SHERRY: We just wanted to say a last goodbye. Rorys not here?
LORELAI: She went outside somewhere. You can probably find her.
SHERRY: Oh, okay. I think I will. We had such a great time last night. So I hear your dinner was good?
LORELAI: Uh, yeah, it was great.
SHERRY: I would love to see that house sometime, especially the portrait of Rory in the study. Any way I could get a picture?
LORELAI: I can send you one.
SHERRY: That would be great! So shes outside?
SHERRY: Im gonna try to corral her.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, bring her by so I can see her too.
SHERRY: Okay. Bye Lorelai. Thanks for everything.
LORELAI: Oh, youre welcome. Bye.
[Sherry walks out, Christopher sits down with Lorelai]
CHRISTOPHER: So, quaint evening of theater last night.
LORELAI: Ah yes, the Gilmore family players rival the Barrymores for their sophisticated, dramatic productions.
CHRISTOPHER: I never thought shed freak over Rory not being there like that. I never wanted to put you in that position.
LORELAI: Oh, you couldnt have known.
CHRISTOPHER: I mean, Rorys missed the occasional dinner before.
LORELAI: Yeah, well, this was compounded by other things.
CHRISTOPHER: What other things?
LORELAI: You should know as well as I that when it comes to Emily Gilmore, its never simple.
CHRISTOPHER: Got it. Ah, looks like they found each other. You know, Sherry had a really good time last night. I hope Rory did too.
LORELAI: Yeah, she seemed to.
CHRISTOPHER: Good, good.
LORELAI: So Chris, before you go, um, I have something I wanna say to you.
CHRISTOPHER: Uh oh.
LORELAI: Its not an uh oh.
CHRISTOPHER: Okay, what?
LORELAI: Well, I, um, I kind of realized something with you and Sherry visiting and God help me, because of something my mother said to me.
CHRISTOPHER: Wow, inspiration can come from the unlikeliest sources.
LORELAI: I was just thinking, you know, all these years, no matter what my relationship status has been, whether Ive been dating or hibernating or whatever, I think Ive always had you in the back of my mind - you know, the prospect of us being together. But this prospect was sort of indefinitely on hold while you, you know, found yourself and, uh, got your personal life together so that you could really be there for me and especially for Rory. But you and I have been so linked in my mind that I think I have unconsciously sabotaged every decent relationship Ive had, including the one with Max, because I was waiting for you, and I shouldnt have been. And now that I see that, and I see you settling down with Sherry, I think I can move beyond it.
CHRISTOPHER: Good, Im really glad this is good for you Lorelai.
LORELAI: It is. Chris?
CHRISTOPHER: How dare you put that on me?
LORELAI: Im just thanking you.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, dont.
LORELAI: Whats wrong?
CHRISTOPHER: Whats wrong? Dammit Lorelai, youre dumping fifteen years of unhappiness on me? Fifteen years of not having healthy, lasting relationships on me? Youre blaming me for breaking up with Max and not marrying him? Thats all my fault?
LORELAI: No, I just - .
CHRISTOPHER: I did nothing to deserve that.
LORELAI: Im not saying that you did.
CHRISTOPHER: Youre as good as saying it.
LORELAI: No, Im not.
CHRISTOPHER: Then what did you expect to come from this divine revelation that youve been so kind to share with me? Did you want me to apologize to you for ruining your life or comfort you and say there, there, everythings gonna be all right so you can feel okay? Forget it!
LORELAI: Chris, wait!
CHRISTOPHER: Look, if theres anything else you feel bad about in your life that you wanna dump on my doorstep, just leave a note! [leaves]
[Lorelai glances at the counter at Luke, who quickly looks down. Through the window, Christopher hugs Rory goodbye]